Published Mar 5, 09 AM
By Kirk Hensler
It is my belief that the heart of a man burns with a steady fire, stoked to rage, that keeps his family safe and his enemies at a distance. At best, it is quietly simmering underneath a sheath of composure, ready to be called upon, looking for any reason to explode into a fury, so that man can feel alive again—so that he can be experiencing the very thing he was put on this earth for.
But some of these guys keep talking about how they’ve found peace and calm; they don’t get angry anymore, and they have compassion for all humans. And some of the women are encouraging this strange behavior by pretending they are into it.
I can’t go anywhere these days without hearing about men who are in touch with their feelings and have a gentle nature. Women sit around and talk about it like it’s a good thing. Guys who have cut off their own connection to anything related to anger or aggression. Those feelings do not exist in their “being.”
This is somehow desirable.
Women apparently want a guy to make sweet and passionate love to them while telling them how beautiful they are, all the time. While I agree it is good for men to be more sensitive, they cannot possibly disregard their nature.
I recently saw a rant one of my Facebook yoga friends went on: “He is just totally at peace. He loves all humans. He surfs, does yoga and meditates all the time to keep the peace that is naturally in his heart. He is so sweet to me and never gets upset about anything.”
Meanwhile, I’m down the street bending my girlfriend over her dresser so I can fuck her in front of her mirror. She seems to like it.
In college, a kid that I did not like broke my bathroom door. He did it on purpose and made a joke about it to my roommates. He thought he was very cool and brave. I came home later that night and found the door cracked in half. I didn’t deserve that; it was unprovoked behavior. I didn’t have much time to think before I ripped the door off the hinges and carried it across the street to his apartment. When he opened the door and saw me standing there with my own door in my hands he did not seem very brave or tough. In fact, he backed himself into the corner of his apartment because he was so afraid to face the consequences of his actions (me). I did not hurt him, although I wanted to. I left my broken door on the floor of the apartment and told him to take care of it.
I didn’t start doing martial arts and yoga because I am a peaceful person. I don’t meditate because I’m so goddamn thankful to be alive that I can’t wait to sit and be present with myself and the world around me. I don’t really like the world around me. I meditate so that when I open my eyes I don’t feel like pushing random people down the stairs. I am trying to see the world in a better light, I am trying to be a better person, and I am trying to make the world around me better. I’ve experienced serenity and peace through different outlets; I know the feeling. But like all feelings, it’s fleeting. It’s nowhere for a man to call home. A man’s home is in his tenacity. Remove the fire from a man and you’re left with someone disconnected from reality and his own existence, broken. Not resolved, but rather retired from dealing with life. Disconnected.
I have yet to see a man in the world with pure peace in his heart. We are lucky to get glimpses, and that is it. Some people attach to the glimpses because the return home is too painful. I can’t blame them; life is hard, but the fight is worth it when you are journeying to discover who you are as a person.
I am a man, and sometimes I get angry.
It’s ok for me to punch things (preferably in a constructive way these days). It’s ok for me to want to fuck instead of making love. The art of war is beautiful to me; it’s not scary. I would be more scared if I shut off sections of my personality to cope with life. Believe me, I’ve done it, and it feels a lot like marrying someone you don’t love. I’ve faced a lot—sometimes with my fists clinched and sometimes with an open heart. It just depends on the situation. I do not wish to have enemies or fight for no reason, but I will not ignore conflict as a means of being peaceful.
We are evolving as humans and spiritual beings, without a doubt. But we are not changing into things that we are not. We can recreate ourselves a hundred times and our problems will still find a way to catch up with us. It’s not sad; it’s an opportunity to stand up and face ourselves, who we truly are. That is what it means to be an evolved man.
Beauty is passion. Passion painted the universe. People on fire give us all reason for living.
And ladies, let’s be honest, are you really into these men that talk about how calm and passive they are? It’s not hot.
About Kirk Hensler
Kirk Hensler was raised in metro Detroit on a steady diet of meat, potatoes and team sports. As a competitive athlete, he relied on his speed, power and dominant attitude to excel. Years later, when he took up martial arts, he was tossed around a sweaty dojo for months by various women and children. One day, while horizontal on the mat, he had the profound realization that their patience and finesse quietly trumped his strength and aggression. This led to an exploration of ancient Eastern philosophies, which, in turn, led Kirk to Taiwan, where he taught English, studied martial arts and ate a lot of delicious and strange street food. When Kirk returned to the US, he began applying what he’d learned to his Western, urban life and to his career as a wellness coach, martial arts instructor, and yoga teacher. Check out Kirk’s hip hop video.