Published Feb 29, 12 PM
By Laura Riggs
In The McYoga Sutras, Chapter 1: Self Absorption, we introduced this four-chapter treatise outlining the keys to enlightenment. Here, for your yogic edification, is Chapter 2.
The Eight Limbs transcend age, time and culture, and send spiritual double-messages to our disciples. They are intended to change the direction of your thinking toward greed and attachment, so as to counterbalance any feelings of love, harmony and joy that may have bubbled up in your practice.
Chapter 2 of The McYoga Sutras outlines specific details of the McYoga discipline to create a perfect weapon that will systematically eliminate any obstacles of mental health that are blocking your ability to reveal your most Erratic Self. For if we here at the Cult of the Self-Righteous are to ever have any hope of exploiting your generous and kind nature for our personal gain, we must first have you believe that our path is the right path and that any other path leads you to nowhere, whereas our path will lead you straight into the delusion that you are truly better than everyone else. Once you are convinced no other studio will be able to offer you as many classes each day as our studios, you will eagerly give us more money for decreased quality because we offer greater quantity – and more is always better!
Our goal is to live our most extraordinary of lives, and you will help us get there through this convoluted Eight-Limbed PathTM to obtaining McYoga. By practicing the following eight steps, you will release any physical inhibitions (or semblance of previous intelligence you had gathered through learning or prior experience). Repeated contemplation on these steps will reveal layers of your continual avoidance of the level of deception we are able to procure, not to mention that you will become immune to our harmful behavior and questionable business practices, which remain overlooked by the masses. Because: “It’s all yoga!”
2.1 The actions of McYoga have three parts: 1) training the body to achieve perceived societal perfection, 2) lack of interest in what others care about, and 3) freedom from honest emotion or individual thought of any kind
2.2 The aim of these three practices is to cultivate an attitude conducive to being absorbed in superficial needs and to maximize the power of primal desires
2.3 These desires are rooted in the three causes of suffering: 1) ignorance of the value of spirituality, 2) egoism and self-centeredness, and 3) clinging to life out of fear of death
2.4 Ignorance of the value of spirituality is the fertile soil for all primal desires to exist; the aspirant becomes complacent, dormant, feeble, scattered and submissive
2.5 Egoism is an enmeshing function of the cult as an instrument for identifying a false sense of security and confidence in the aspirant
2.6 Clinging to life and fear of death are the intrinsic forces that allow the cult to maintain power over the aspirants
2.7 The practitioner must at all times stay aloof from any unpleasant experiences, knowing that those are tinged with pain to accelerate spiritual growth, therefore must be avoided
2.8 All experiences are rooted in actions of pleasure or pain. Pleasure is to be clung to as a means of silencing the origins of pain. This creates a karmic reservoir of sorrows in which all quality of life will be a delightfully meaningless search for happiness through the “Seven Means of Material Phenomena” in order to achieve the burning desire of perfection and self-gratification
2.9 Enjoyment is found when one becomes attached to these Seven Means of Material Phenomena: Self-Indulgence, Aversions, Bodily Perfection, Mind Control, Standardization, Commercialization, and Exploitation to Become Extraordinary
2.10 Self-Indulgence compels the aspirant with oblivious treatment of others; the five attributes of self-indulgence are Meretriciousness, Falsehood, Theft, Debauchery and Avarice
2.11 Proper aversion is attained through Impurity, Discontentment, Apathy, Insensibility and Victory over Virtue.
2.12 Bodily Perfection is exercised though the rigorous physical training required to look good, which, for the aspirant, is more important than feeling good
2.13 Through the intensity of self-indulgence comes the rising of impurities through constant striving for bodily perfection
2.14 From that perfection, duality naturally increases as Mind Control is exerted through carefully manipulated statements of praise or criticism
2.15 As Mind Control is gradually implemented, the subject rejects all variations in sequential progressions of apparent differences in spiritual transformation; the aspirant has firm conviction of the need for Standardization as the process of contemplation ceases
2.16 As the veil of Standardization grows in complicity, the foundation for Commercialization flows into awareness; the aspirant releases their freedom of choice and mediocrity flourishes unquestioned by the subject
2.17 As the aspirant releases this freedom, the community can exploit this newfound passion to advance the promotion of workshops, trainings, retreats, products and any other unnecessary item to absorb the aspirant in illusion
2.18 Being absorbed in these processes creates the supreme illusion of success as the subject becomes void of form or goal, and only the essence of dementia shines forth!
2.19 By frequent repetition of the mantra “Become Extraordinary,” the subject will experience an undisturbed flow of tranquility to avert thoughts of confusion as to the moments of depression and anxiety that begin to permeate their thoughts
2.20 Full McYoga transformation occurs when the subject’s mind quality, character and condition are engulfed into the illusion of being part of the exclusive and innovative culture which instills fear of leaving the group
Next time we will explore the Five Means for Attainment of first of the Eight Steps to McYoga – Self-Indulgence!
About Laura Riggs
Laura started practicing yoga roughly ten years ago and began teaching five years ago. She left a successful career in advertising to teach yoga full-time because she decided it would be totally rad to pretend she was 21 again. She managed two large studios for the past two years, led many teacher trainings, and enjoyed having her soul sucked out of her. Now that the LSD in the Kool-Aid they had her drink before work each day has worn off, she is relieved to be rid of a company that believes first in money and second in “speaking your truth” — so long as it agrees with “our truth” because “our truth” can kick “your truth’s” ass! She does admit there are days that she still checks the studio’s yoga schedule and experiences flashbacks – only to be grateful she no longer has to manage the severely undereducated teachers trying their best to fulfill the studio’s mandate to “Bring the Sexy Back” to yoga. Last time she checked herself, before she wrecked herself, yoga was never sexy to begin with…..Read all Laura’s stories.