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  • A guided meditation for any and all people, creatures and/or other miscellaneous entities

    4 comments Published Sep 4, 12 PM
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    By Vanessa Fiola

    Take a comfortable, seated position and begin to deepen your breath.  Close your eyes gently — or not, in the event you are recently Botoxed and can’t easily close your eyes. Lengthen through your spine.  Note: if you don’t have a spine because are a worm or other invertebrate, just, like, extend. As you inhale, picture your breath traveling up toward the crown of your head (or the other end of your body, which I understand can also be your head, depending on what type of creature you are and where you are headed).

    On your next exhale, think about your breath softly washing over your face, like a bowl of warm, organic, non-GMO coconut oil not made by Monsanto. If you’re allergic to coconut, substitute sesame oil. If you’re not into sesame, then try cold-pressed, gluten-free avocado oil never before touched by human hands.

    On your next inhale, fill your lungs deeply, then release, carrying your breath into your heart, your belly/pouch/carapace, and your loins. Good. Now picture yourself walking along a deserted beach, wearing at least SPF 30. The sand is giving way ever so delicately beneath your feet, or hoofs or claws. You are one with the earth, assuming you live here on Earth.

    In the distance, the horizon looms in vibrant threads of pinks and lilacs, which may or may not have been caused by pollution. You are grateful for pollution. A fuzzy, encompassing warmth courses through you, exactly like when Xanax kicks in. You are smiling, knowing that all is right in the world. Everything you need is right before you, or behind you — depending on your particular vertebra situation — and this very moment is a gift. Bask in this aura of universal love and truth for as long as you need, or until you’re about to get fired for being late to work one more time. This is goodness. This is freedom, spirit-being.

    When you’re ready to come out of meditation, simply bring your awareness back to your body. Deepen your breath once again, and slowly open your eyes. From this tranquil space, or from New Jersey, if that’s where you happen to be, you are ready to share your light with the world.

    About Vanessa Fiola

    Vanessa wrote this particular story from Hoboken, New Jersey, where she sometimes travels for her job as a Media & Entertainment Consultant. You can read more about Vanessa here. Or, visit  or follow her on Twitter, though she’s way more into Instagram these days.