BIO ROAST: Joslyn Hamilton
When we dig up our old teaching bios and deconstruct them to get to the truth of the matter.
By Joslyn Hamilton
I’m supposed to be roasting my Previous Self, the naïve and eager yogi who once followed her bandanna-coiffed teacher all over the Western hemisphere in search of enlightenment and riches. (Hardly.) But having dug up my old bio, I have to confess: I really am not all that embarrassed by it.
You see, I never was very woo woo, even in my teaching heyday. I never could smell Nag Champa without feeling gaggy. I never asked anyone to melt their heart. I never manifested a thing. And I certainly never wrote a bio that contained the words shri, goddess, or abundance. I swear.
However, there are some things I can admit to you now. Just between us.
I have been teaching yoga in the San Francisco area since early 2000.
My first teaching gig was by accident. Someone needed a sub last minute, and I thought, what the hell. It was a Bikram class. I taught Bikram for two years without ever going to the training. In some countries, this is a crime punishable by hanging.
I teach a heated Power Vinyasa class based primarily on the Baron Baptiste method.
Once the Bikram heavies started to catch on, I decided it would be in my (and the studio’s) best interests to actually get some credentials under my belt. Randomly, I went to a Baptiste training in Mexico. I came back with fresh inspiration, a flat tummy, and a wormy parasite in my leg. True story.
I teach led group classes that are rich in dialog and detail, and I use music and heat to encourage the flow.
My friend Tom always says that if he opens a yoga studio, he’s going to call it Heavy Flow. This makes us laugh uncontrollably, like 12-year-olds.
I began practicing yoga asanas in 1997 in Washington D.C. My first teacher instructed in the Sivananda style…
My first teacher was this white dude from the Midwest named Avatar. Yes, Avatar. He was a melancholy sort and didn’t have much in the way of charisma. I took class from him once a week at the YMCA in Dupont Circle. Avatar was my first inspiration to study yoga. Later, he hung himself.
…but over the past seven years I have also studied Iyengar, Ashtanga, and Bikram extensively.
I tried to become an Ashtangi but could never quite get the handle of early morning Mysore classes. Once, the teacher’s assistant pulled me aside after class and advised me to start drinking more caffeine in the morning. This was just after I asked him if it was normal to black out in drop backs.
Since moving to the West Coast in 1998, I have studied Yin Yoga…
And by “studied,” I mean I have fallen asleep in a lot of Yin Yoga classes.
…and Vipassana Meditation with Sarah Powers, Mysore-style Ashtanga Vinyasa with John Berlinksy, and Vinyasa with Baron Baptiste. I received my Yoga Alliance 200-hour teaching certification in 2001…
Has having a Yoga Alliance certification ever made a difference in anyone’s life? Not that I know of.
…and my certification to teach Baptiste Power Yoga in the Summer of 2002.
I was a “Certified Baptiste Teacher” for several years. I never completed any of the requirements to become a Certified Baptiste Teacher. So how did I become a Certified Baptiste Teacher? Glad you asked.
Favoritism.
Since then I have studied primarily with Baron and his team of teachers…
And by “studied,” I mean that I spent quite a few years there hopped up on caffeine drinks and electrolytes to get me through the sleep-deprived state of being a traveling assistant to a “Master Yoga Teacher” with a wee bit of a narcissism problem.
…and I completed a residential advanced teacher training program at the Baptiste Power Yoga Institute in Cambridge this past March.
Otherwise known as the time I quit my job to spend a winter month in Massachusetts after a childhood spent promising myself that as soon as I turned 18 I would never go back there again.
Oh, what we do for yoga.
About Joslyn Hamilton
16 Comments !
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anemone says:
i’m in with the 12 year old hysterical laughter jag for the yoga studio called “heavy flow”… thanks for that!
Joslyn Hamilton says:
You’ll probably also be pleased to hear that there’s a yoga studio in San Francisco called The Pad that a certain someone and I refer to as “The Maxipad.”
Yogini5 says:
I consider myself pretty spiritual most of the time, but I am a little allergic to anyone asking me to “melt [my] heart” or riffs on abundance, many of said yoga teachers were happy that I had a home practice, since I’d made it plain the abundance fairy didn’t stop by my house–so I could not share in my “good energy”–okay that last bit of nomenclature does not make me gag. Neither does “chakra”. “Detachment” DOES, however.
And certification? I think my current teacher may not be an RYT. Maybe some of us – if the price and the vibe are right – don’t care …
Yogini5 says:
Just so you know, my first yoga teacher–ever–was a public school gym teacher who snuck some freshly brewed Yin yoga and encounter groups from Esalen [this was 40 years ago] into her classes …
Don says:
These are so great! I wish I had a yoga bio that I could take apart.
robin says:
so funny, joslyn
i’m cracking up the most about the yogaalliance as i’m trying to get through the final paperwork –having dropped the ball for 3 years — and once i get my certification the only thing that i’ll probably change in my life is i’ll add RYT next to my name on my website. (and no one will notice it but me 
but i got to pay $108 to get the certificate. also, haha on the bikram story. off i go to the red dragon today.. hope you are happy now that you have your soup containers back finally!
robin says:
p.s. actually it’s been 4 years (not 3).
Chang of Space Command says:
Oh, this is just too precious.
Joslyn Hamilton says:
Your turn next Changster!
Kimberly Johnson says:
feeling kind of bad about avatar. is the name some kind of foreshadowing?
i enjoyed learning more about you!
Dawn says:
This cracked me up !!!
I so hope, I never said “melt your heart”, can’t remember now.
In the hey days of collecting certificates I attended one of the Hawaii trainings you assisted. I remember meeting all of you (assistants) in the van on the way to Kalani, you were so not the most happy group of people, I remember thinking, wow I just shelled out 5K for this !
Christian O'Neil says:
I remember you from bootcamp in tulum in 2004 I think. I also remember BB busting my balls because I wouldn’t stand up and repeat the “I commit to making myself good, blah blah blah” mantra.
This website is funny as shit with lots of truth woven in. Keep kicking ass
Joslyn Hamilton says:
You know what’s funny? When I did my first bootcamp with Baron in Tulum, I didn’t want to say the whole culty “I commit” thing either. He bullied me into it on the last day. I was the last one! And then for years after that I had to patiently wait for other people to do it. Oh, karma.
Um, erectile dysfunction & yoga says:
[...] Recovering Yogi collaborative effort with input from Joslyn Hamilton and Matthew Teague [...]
Carolina says:
Great Blog! I have honestly thought about doing something like this for years! The AntiYogi or something like tht. I love yoga and all it has to offer, but am so sick of the bs. I am still a teacher today, but find it difficult to find a place to teach that let’s you just be you. I really hate how all of the yoga phonies out there trying to make yoga more than just another form of movement. It’s great and fun and I love it, but you’re not going to become the next dali lama (I don’t think if I spelled this right) doing it. I think my bio has some definite douchey phrasing in it right. LOL.
recoveringyogi says:
Carolina — consider writing a bio roast for us! It’s great fun.