I do more yoga than you
By Brie Doyle
Good morning, Dear Friend,
Have you heard what I did?
I woke up at four, jumped right out of bed!
What’s that you say; you couldn’t get up?
Lord Shiva and Shakti, you must feel like a schmuck!
You see, I do more yoga than you.
Today I feel great,
Three classes before eight!
What about you? This past month just a few?
How sorry, how sad. Bet you wish what I had.
It’s just, I do more yoga than you.
Lululemon and Prana,
I’m the fucking Pre-Madonna.
My abs sure do look great,
I can’t choose who to date.
It’s so tough being me…
And I do more yoga than you.
Paxil, Prozac and Zoloft,
I accidentally took four days off.
My shrink says distance from yoga, for me, may be healthy,
But how else will I learn to be spiritually wealthy?
See, I do more yoga than you (and him, combined).
I’m off centered, out of balance, and all out of whack,
For the past twenty years I’ve used yoga as crack.
In missing a class, I’ve fallen behind,
To my inner-most goddess, I’m becoming so blind.
At least I still do more yoga than you.
What’s that you say? You made it to a class?
Excuse me for sounding incredibly crass:
You phony, you fake, you raving-terrible bitch!
The only reason you went was to be like me just a titch.
I do more yoga than you.
Oops, forgive me, my gosh! What’s gotten into me?
What I meant was I’m so happy! I hope it sets you free!
But please let me make myself incredibly clear:
I do more yoga than you do, My Dear.
……………………………………………………………………………………………….
About Brie Doyle
Though pretentious yuppies abound in Brie’s home town of Boulder, CO, she can’t seem to find another place she’d rather live. But she’s been fortunate enough to try many places. From NYC to New Zealand, SE Asia, Japan, Nepal and India, Brie has traveled the world seeking adventure and stories to share. Pre-babies, she was a
middle school and yoga teacher, but now that she is pumping out children, she stays at home and writes. She has written two novels, one based in India, one based in New York, and she is furiously seeking publication. In the meantime, she can be found making light of life here: http://www.realhousewifeofbouldercounty.com.
18 Comments !
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Laura Neal says:
Oh please put this on Elephant Journal! The comments will be so much fun.
recoveringyogi says:
Ha! Laura, it’s scheduled. (Btw, Brie is no stranger to the comments on Ele: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/05/hipster-101-how-to-be-a-buddhist-brie-doyle/)
Brie says:
Bracing myself…
Brie says:
I never know whether to respond or to just let the people do their thing..you know?
Ann says:
Thank you for the laugh! It’s a reminder to myself that I am “recovering” quite nicely. It feels fantastic to get back to that neutral space and get my sense of humor back about it all. Funny and cute! It may be “fun” to read the impending comments on EJ, but I wouldn’t bother expending the energy to reply, unless you really have it. The minute you feel you’re taking it personally, stop.
Brie says:
Good call. I kinda prefer to just watch in amazement as it unfolds…Thanks for the tip!
Tori says:
My policy on comments is generally: If they make my blood pressure rise, I close the tab and have a beer. If it’s important enough to come back to after the beer, well… at least I might be more mellow then?
Chrissy says:
I almost fell of of my counter stool laughing!
Right on and yes…EJ for sure!
Brie says:
Glad we can appreciate the same humor. Careful on those stools..
Yogini5 says:
And … yeah, to go along with that trope … only yoga done at a studio counts … that’s the only REAL yoga … “and I do more of it than you” .. haHAH … !
The Yoga Teacher to the Future Yoga Rock Stars adjusts ME in class more than you ..
I get more Shaktipat than you…
I will work off more KARMA than you … enough for future generations .. haHAH!!
I will die more ENLIGHTENED than you …
Oh, wait .. I’m supposed to be immortal, remember?
Brie says:
OF COURSE only studio yoga..totally should have worked that in. Thanks!
Laura says:
OMG – I think I may have piddled a little from laughing so hard! Thanks girl for a great one!
Brie says:
Thanks for the love..
David D says:
I think I strained something from laughing! Very well done.
Mark Lee says:
Ha! Love it! Can’t wait to see the comments on Elephant Journal!
I do more yoga than you. ~ Brie Doyle | elephant journal says:
[...] do more yoga than you. ~ Brie Doyle Originally published by our elephriends over at Recovering Yogi on September 26, 2011. [...]
Yoga Playlist Egoist says:
Funny because it’s kind of true!
maybe i will try reading this to class during ‘centering in’ part of class…
Clea says:
Hey Brie,
I love your writing style, it’s fearless, and smart. Loved your moma story, hahaha, I so hear you when you go after the ego maniacs~in the yoga area as well, the perfect bodies in there have always scared me away…but hope to brave it one day, as Im loosing my tone. Look forward to more stories! lot’s of love…clea