I feel for you, Chakra Chan
By Toni Grates
For those of you who’ve never heard much about chakras (really?), they’re energy centers along the spine, beginning at the base and moving upward to the top of the skull. Each energy centre correlates with specific emotional qualities and overstimulation (or under stimulation) of the chakras can have a negative impact.
Here’s my story of what owning a yoga studio will actually do to your chakras.
You get a divine message in your Crown Chakra that it would be a brilliant idea to open a yoga studio. You’re driven by the thought of all the good you’ll do for the world and all the beautiful karma you’ll create. Your Third Eye celebrates as it simultaneously takes a good hard look at the capital involved in launching the studio and keeping it above water. You’re impeccable with your word and kind to everyone, keeping your Throat Chakra spinning in the healthiest of ways.
Your Heart Chakra guides you as you let people with no money practice for free, and it makes sure the instructors are paid properly, sweeping your own financial needs to the side since, really, you’re happy to be paid in karma. Your Solar Plexus shines brightly as you stand squarely in your personal power, grabbing organic shakes every morning in order to keep your digestion squeaky clean. Creativity is pouring out of you as you brainstorm all the incredible things you and your Sacral Chakra will offer to your new members, spending all your extra time perfecting the newsletter and coming up with innovative ways to sell yoga.
At a certain point—since your Heart Chakra decided to pay everyone else first—your Root Chakra is wondering how you’re going to pay the rent, or your own personal mortgage for that matter. Your relationship with your business partner is strained and you’re at each other’s Throat Chakras. Your Heart Chakra is dimming as more and more people come in looking for free yoga, and your Crown Chakra wonders how the f*ck you’re going to pay the bills. You put a patch on your Third Eye since you can’t bear to look at the reality of how much you owe compared to how much is coming in, and you finally admit to yourself that there was a little voice telling you screaming at you not to do this in the first place.
Anxiety is crippling your solar plexus.
You can’t afford daily smoothies anymore, replacing them with any available caffeinated beverage, so your digestion has gone to hell in a hand basket. You force your Throat Chakra to tell the landlord you can’t pay $9400 a month for rent anymore, and he explains that he can evict your Root Chakra at any time and come after you personally for the remaining five years of rent unless you find a sub-leaser. At this point, your Sacral Chakra anxiety is spinning feverishly out of control and you’re considering which addiction to take part in to numb your pain.
After you get to the point of wanting to ring your business partner’s Throat Chakra because his head is up his Root Chakra, you finally reach enlightenment and realize you haven’t practiced in months and you’re miserable. You’ve had Strep Throat Chakra four times in a year, probably because you’re not living “authentically,” so you force your Third Eye-lid open and trust your gut as it screams at you to get the f*ck out of the yoga business and go home to your family.
I’ve always advocated for heart over crown, but make sure your third eye is WIDE open when you embark on this kind of venture. Otherwise, you’re gonna get it right up the root!
About Toni Grates
Toni Grates opened a yoga studio because she thought it would solve all her problems. After 13 months in yoga hell, she shut the doors and peacefully went back to the real world. She’s a mom and bonus mom (so much nicer than “step-mom”) who loves all things creative. Post-studio, she has gone back to her love of writing with more material than she ever thought possible. You can follow her adventures at www.namastebitchesblog.com.