Intention is a hell of a drug

Published on February 28, 2013 by      Print
facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

By Vanessa Butterfly Thunderwolf

There’s nothing more powerful than a made up mind.
—This cute guy on a TED Talk I once watched

For a Libra like myself, that really hit home. It takes me forever to make a decision because I’m busy weighing all my options. An astrologer told me once that I am like the horse that starved to death because I didn’t know which bale of hay to eat from first. Yeah, that pretty much sums me up! The good thing is, when I do get around to making a decision, it’s usually a good one.

Last year I took part in a 40-day affirmation challenge with a women’s circle. We each wrote a letter to ourselves, affirmation-style, based on what we wanted to see in various aspects of our lives (i.e. love life, home, career, spirituality, health, and family). It was nice to put all my aspirations on paper and affirm them. It gave me a clearer vision of what I wanted in my life and helped me focus and get clear on my intentions.

Well, intention is a hell of a drug.  Here is a breakdown of some of the affirmations I wrote and how they later showed up in my life:

Love life affirmation:
“I am now in a happy, loving monogamous relationship with my husband who loves and respects me.”

Result: Within three days of writing that affirmation, my marriage ended.

Health affirmation:
“I am emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy.”
Result: With no health insurance, I was prescribed two types of medication to deal with anxiety and depression exacerbated by these life changes.

Career affirmation:
“I now have the career of my dreams and am well paid for it.”

Result: I had to resign from my job to deal with my chaotic home life.

Home affirmation:
“I now have the home of my dreams at a price I can easily afford.”

Result: I gave away or trashed most of my belonging and moved back home with my mom.

Just when I was about to write off Mother Nature as a sadistic bitch with daddy issues, some good began appearing in my life.

Family affirmation:
“I am surrounded and supported by loving friends and family.”

Result: People that didn’t have my best interest in mind all of a sudden disappeared from my life. Other friendships have since been strengthened. I have never felt more loved and supported by my mom and a small circle of friends. My son and I have a much closer relationship. And I now have incredible friends from all around the world, which leads me to…

Career affirmation:
“Travel is a regular part of my life.”

Result: Soon after I left my husband, I hopped a flight to Thailand to continue my Thai massage studies and get the fuck out of Philly. I had an incredible time and met some wonderful friends from almost every continent.

Spirituality affirmations:
“I meditate regularly. I recognize my self-worth.”

Result: I do and I do.

The moral of the story? I’ve spent so much of my life stuck between those two proverbial bales of hay: do I stay at this job or not, do I call my friends on their shit or not, do I actually take responsibility for my life or do I continue to coast through life and hope that one day I’ll be magically happy. Where did my constant indecisiveness get me?  Half-assed friends, half-assed career, half-assed marriage, half-assed spiritual practice, etc. When I focused on and affirmed what I actually wanted and not what I would settle for, shit got real!

I learned that if you really want your world to change, you have to let go of things that have no place in your life no matter how much you love them. You must have faith that these things will be replaced with something or someone better for where you are at this stage of the game. That was a harsh lesson to learn. It was hard enough for me to let go of shoes I couldn’t fit, let alone a whole life I no longer fit! My life was beginning to look like an episode of Hoarders: Recovering Yogi edition with all the crap I was holding on to. I was in dire need of an intervention, and I received just that in the form of affirmations.

Though the last year of my life has been crazy, it’s also been lived and not analyzed to death. I’ve survived the rough patches and reaped the rewards, which have been numerous. With few relapses back into the land of indecisiveness, I do in fact feel more powerful when I make up my mind. That cute TED Talk guy was right.

Vanessa Butterfly ThunderwolfAbout Vanessa Butterfly Thunderwolf

Vanessa Butterfly Thunderwolf. is an author, healing arts educator, and singer/songwriter. Her books include Living Our Medicine: Affirmations for Bodyworkers and Divorce in 17 Syllables. You can find her mp3, “Affirmations for Bodyworkers,” on or iTunes. Also, she is addicted to hula hooping and the Twilight movies.

Twitter: @vanessahazzard




Filed under: Or How About This? and Tagged:


  1. erica says:

    love it! funny how when we affirm something we often in our minds make demands on how it should “look” –this was such a beautiful piece! Thank you vanessa!

  2. Excerpt from “Intention is a Hell of a Drug” | Vanessa Butterfly Thunderwolf. says:

    [...] Well, intention is a hell of a drug.  Here is a breakdown of some of the affirmations I wrote and how they later showed up in my life…(click here to read the full post on Recovering [...]

  3. Vanessa Butterfly Thunderwolf. says:

    Thanks for reading Erica! I’m glad you enjoyed it :-)

  4. janna says:

    Loved it Vanessa! As I was reading the first part I was thinking to myself SHIT I need to stop my affirmations ASAP. Inhale the good shit Exhale the bullshit. All my best.

  5. Vanessa Butterfly Thunderwolf. says:

    I love it…”inhale the good shit, exhale the bad shit”! I’ll be using that one!

  6. Vanessa Butterfly Thunderwolf. says:

    By the way, the cute guy from TED was Lewis Pugh. He’s pretty awesome

Leave a Reply → Vanessa Butterfly Thunderwolf.

Asterisk (*) marked fields are required

 characters still available (brevity is a form of creativity!)