Is yoga even good for sex?
By Kirk Hensler / Drawings by Ashley Holtz
I kept reading about how yoga will improve my sex life. I was curious if this was true.
I decided to try some things out with my girlfriend (good sport that she is). I told her it would be like The Yoga Sutras meets 50 Shades of Grey. Like any good practicing yogi/closet sex freak, she was down.
I always hear about the eight limbs of yoga and wonder WTF is that all about!? And then it dawned on me: if she has 4 limbs and is doing yoga, and I have 4 limbs and am doing her, then we will be more in line with the original teachings. So I thought I would try and work through a full sequence with her.
We started with forward fold to loosen things up and found that it wasn’t quite the warm-up pose that it is in a yoga class. “Just remember to soften on your exhale,” I told her. “You soften on YOUR exhale!” she shouted back at me.
Once the low back and hips were more open, we attempted some splits. It worked better in the supine form, unless you are comfortable hearing a groin tear up close, which, I am not.
The spinal twists were interesting. I got a little uncomfortable when I heard a crack in her low back and thought I saw the right side of her face go limp. I thought about what an Iyengar student would do in this situation and made a quick adjustment to uncompromise the sacrum. Her face came back to life.
Like any good yoga sequence, we needed to close with some backbending, inversions and savasana.
The back-bending portion was thoroughly entertaining, although not very functional because I threw out my back and tore my left bicep. It is probably only good if you are trying to make a career in amateur home videos. Although, I think she enjoyed this part.
As for the inversions, it got complicated. I couldn’t figure out my proper place in shoulder stand, and the headstand attempt almost paralyzed her. I would advise against intercourse in these positions, unless your partner is physically capable enough to press up into handstand, then oral sex might be an interesting option here (it is).
To neutralize the spine, we jumped into happy baby pose and found out why many yoga teachers have renamed it “happy boyfriend pose.” From there, it was time for Savasana. It got weird going into this one. Based on my experience, I would skip the corpse pose completely. Nothing good can come of it and the conversation that needs to take place after is worth avoiding.
All in all, I think yoga has a horrible effect on one’s sex life. It is physically demanding, unnatural and painfully awkward at times. I am grateful for the experience but I do not personally or professionally recommend it to anyone.
About Kirk Hensler
Kirk Hensler was raised in metro Detroit on a steady diet of meat, potatoes and team sports. As a competitive athlete, he relied on his speed, power and dominant attitude to excel. Years later, when he took up martial arts, he was tossed around a sweaty dojo for months by various women and children. One day, while horizontal on the mat, he had the profound realization that their patience and finesse quietly trumped his strength and aggression. This led to an exploration of ancient Eastern philosophies, which, in turn, led Kirk to Taiwan, where he taught English, studied martial arts and ate a lot of delicious and strange street food. When Kirk returned to the US, he began applying what he’d learned to his Western, urban life and to his career as a wellness coach, martial arts instructor, and yoga teacher. If you haven’t seen his latest video, Real Men Do Yoga, you kinda need to.