Class description: Lunchtime Power Hour
This could be a real yoga class.
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Lunchtime Power Hour:
Want to bring some zen to your busy workday? Well come on in and we’ll pretend like we know what that means! This 60 minute class will begin with 15 minutes worth of plugs for upcoming workshops and a maxim-filled monologue by your yoga teacher / self-appointed life coach, Hayley. Meanwhile, you’re stuck sitting in fidget pose. Your homicidal thoughts will be interrupted with a too-brief breathing exercise and the opportunity to switch sides.
Finally it’s time to stand up and stretch! Lead with your hearts, everybody! You’ll practice several variations on sun salutations. (Your teacher learned this sequence in a David Life class last weekend and it was really, really awesome!) The music volume will rise and fall without reason or discernible pattern. Annoyed? Remember: the obstacle in your path is your path.
Half past the hour is workshop time! ‘Cause like, what better forum than an hour-long class to break down triangle in painstaking detail? You’ll roll your eyes like a motherf*cker at the class sycophant, as she poses question after pointless question, flexing her teacher trainee knowledge and sucking any particle of enjoyment from the class. The last 10 minutes will be rounded out with a mix of advanced backbends for which you are wholly unprepared, followed by shoulderstand. Hope you weren’t expecting hip openers! Your practice will culminate with a 45-second savasana. (If you want rest, next time try Restorative Yoga.)
Head back to work thinking maybe you should take up smoking instead!