MEMO to my spirit self
By Louis Cortese
To: My Spirit Self From: My corporeal self Date: April 20, 2012 Subject: Aging
I’m writing to you about this subject in an attempt to reconcile our divergent views with it.
I’m aware that these concerns are the type you usually disregard as silly and inconsequential, but to me they seem far more reaching and closer to within your scope of ministrations than you might think.
The other day I was having lunch at a sandwich shop with my son Tom who, at the age of thirty-two, is exactly thirty years younger than I. He was sitting directly opposite me. On the wall behind him hung a large mirror. Midway through our lunch, I happened to get a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. It hit me like a blow to the midsection. The image of myself that sits in my mind’s eye has very little resemblance to the one I saw in the mirror. The stark contrast between Tom, who bears a very close resemblance to me at that age, and the older degenerated image in the mirror made for even a bigger shock.
In the last four or five years the signs of aging have begun to sprout all over my face and neck. It began with the area beneath my eyes, formerly a smooth surface now having mutated to a plowed field of loose vertical ridges. Next to undergo a transfiguration were my eyelids as they began to swell and undulate over my eyes. This was quickly followed by the emergence of what is commonly known as jowls, where the once taut skin around the jawbones augments into hanging protuberances. Next to make their debut were the parenthesis-like lines on both sides of my mouth, sculpted deep into my now languid skin. And finally, the coup de grace to any semblance of youth was, at first, the gradual unveiling but now prominently evident turkey neck.
I know you’re going to tell me that all this is surface-cosmetics and it has no impact on my true nature, “which resides inside my heart,” or some such new agey mumbo-jumbo. Just bear with me, because this is more relevant to the larger existential questions than you might think.
I don’t think I am being shallow with my concerns over the devastation that aging has brought upon my face. It does have extensive ramifications on how I am perceived by others and consequently how I perceive myself, which directly effects my spiritual well being. I know you don’t think it should, but it does, goddamn it!
Thank goodness my body is still in good shape. It’s fit, taut and with good muscle tone. My yoga practice definitely has a lot to do with that. I have been dabbling in yoga almost all of my adult life and diligently practicing it for the last fifteen years. I go back and forth, though, questioning the merits of doing it. Sometimes I think I am driven to it out of pure vanity, and other times I think there is a deeper, metaphysical purpose. Maybe it’s a combination of both forces at work, similar to my aging concerns. In other words, it may be OK to be motivated by conceit if the tangential or even accidental results of those actions are of a more worthy significance.
Spirit Self, you haven’t really given me any indication of how you feel about yoga — whether it is a path that is valid in your eyes or something that is strictly within my worldly purview — hence my confusion continues about its value.
I often think about contemporaries of mine who have devoted their entire lives to yoga — people like Richard Freeman, David Swenson and John Shumacher. Their livelihood is and has always been teaching yoga, and at the same time they are entrenched in a typical American lifestyle: married, kids, grandkids, a mortgage etc. I wonder if they ever have any doubts about the meaningfulness of their practice and their careers? If they’ve gotten tired of traveling and attending the year-round yoga conferences and workshops? I sometimes imagine that they’re like the Star Trek actors who regarded the Trekies flooding the Star Trek conventions with disdain, but did it anyway because the money was good. Does John Shumacher ever say to himself, “I have grandkids for god’s sake, I’ve been doing this yoga teaching job for over forty years, I’m tired, I want to retire and move to Florida. I never want to be in another yoga studio dressed in silly yoga shorts, ever again. Gimme a break.”
I can only speak to my own experience with you, in which there has been an achievement element to it that has always been an underlying irritant to me. After fifteen years of effort, I am now able to put my body into certain positions beyond the grasp of ordinary people. But then I ask myself: “So what?” As we say here in New York City, “That and $2.25 will get you on a subway.” After all this effort, and all these achievements, I am still growing older.
This is where you come in, Spirit, and it’s why I’ve written you this memo, to help me unravel this conundrum.
In my lifetime, I’ve always placed such high regard on my worldly self. I’ve been vain about my looks and I’ve practiced yoga with one eye toward its fitness benefits (or perhaps, unwittingly, both eyes). Now I’ve come to realize that the beauty of youth is subject to the corrosive actions of time, no matter how much yoga one does. So, I ask you, has it been a lifetime wasted, chasing physical perfection under the guise of self-realization? Have all those sun salutations in the pursuit of spiritual light been for naught? I’m asking you directly, Spirit, have you been touched at all by my corporeal pursuits, or has it all been a pointless sacrifice to vanity?
About Louis Cortese
Lou , in his life, has been a precocious young boy in an anachronistic town in the mountains of Sicily, an immigrant at the age of 8 arriving by way of an ocean liner to the shores of the west side of Manhattan, a guido from the Bronx, a hippy, a Zen Buddhist, a businessman, a yogi and a conventional family man with three sons and two grandchildren, among other things, none of which describes his true self and all of which in the aggregate do not give a full account of him. If his story is not he, then what is? He’s still looking.
17 Comments !
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Greg says:
Dad…loved the essay. I think your ass is taut!!!
Vision_Quest2 says:
If that’s the way you feel about YOGA, you could imagine how us pilates practitioners feel … my pilates powerhouse is fast losing charge no matter WHAT I do …
Warriorsaint says:
Lou: this is the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks. The eyelids swelling and undulating over your eyes is pure brilliance! I was just looking at some pretty summer dresses and realized that although my arms are taut and muscular from regular Pilates and yoga I have so many dark spots from sun exposure I resemble an ocelot. ( My corporeal self would prefer a cougar, but I digress). I don’t know where/if you take classes in NYC; but if you want a great workout try Budokon at Studio Anya on 24th St.
Babs says:
Thanks for presenting a male point of view on aging. As the mother of a ethereally beautiful 13 year old girl who slightly resembles me 35 years ago, I can relate. Who needs digital age progression photos when I can just compare myself to her. . . but I try not to. With the advent of a soul patch and a skin apron all I can do is move forward and hope I look as good as you at 62.
kevin says:
Well put my friend. Is that an recent photo?
Kath Thompson says:
Oh, this was simply wonderful! I have been having the exact same thoughts. I was “Facetime-ing” with my daughter the other day and was horrified at the hag I have become. WHO THE HELL IS THAT? I kept trying to adjust the angle of my laptop to hide my chicken neck. I look forward to reading any answer that may be forthcoming from your Spirit Self. Keep us posted! Thanks for this brilliant piece!
Stacey says:
Louis, I really appreciated this. I have many of the same questions, and as I read the beautiful and honest way you approached this, I realized there may be no real answers. As I age and complain about it, my husband always tries to tell me not to focus on the individual pieces of my face that I don’t like, and to accept that aging or not, my whole face is beautiful – that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. As you described yourself, it all sounded rather sad, and then I saw your picture and immediately registered a great looking man. I know, your spirit self probably doesn’t care, but I just thought you should know that!
Barry Method Yoga says:
Yes, a great looking man …
Laura says:
Maybe it’s time to do more meditation and avoid mirrors because after we reach a certain age, they send back a distorted image of ourselves
I met a few nuns (both Buddhist and Catholic) in their 60s whose faces are incredibly fresh and youthful. They lead simple lives, free of stress, full of meditation and contemplation. Maybe that’s the secret!
I practice a gentle form of yoga and must say it is very effective to keep my body healthy and my mind calm. I am not looking for the fountain of youth, i just want to age gracefully and be able to do what i am passionate about.. On the other hand, friends who are yoga fiends (Power yoga, fast Vinyasa junkies) look older than me. Why? The answer may be very simple. I live in China, where people believe that we should conserve our energy (Chi) rather than dissipate it. That’s why Tai Chi is regarded as a better activity for the elderly than any aerobic activity such as running. My Chinese neighbour is 85, does Tai Chi every day and looks a lot younger than some 60 y/o Western guys who push themselves too hard in order to stay fit…i bet he never jogged, run or signed up for a fast Vinyasa class!
Laura says:
I am talking about very intense aerobic exercise, the kind of exercise that makes your heart rate increase beyond what is comfortable for your body. and leaves you gasping for air. If your breathing becomes irregular you are no longer following any sound yogic principles.
Yoga was never intended to make your breathing irregular and alter your heart beat. Intense yoga workout is a Western aberration. Invented by people who want to burn more calories than your body is designed to burn naturally. One should eat moderately, not binge on food and then workout hard to burn the extra calories! When the body gets too much oxygen too quickly the oxygen molecule undergoes a change.
The oxygen molecule is stripped of an electron, which means there are free radicals floating in the body. Free radicals do damage: they react intensely with other molecules of the body and leave destruction behind them.
JJ says:
You’re too preachy….stop telling me what everyone should do and how they should live
Laura says:
I am just sharing facts.
People wrongly assume if they exercise a lot, they can eat anything but we now know ( scientific evidence) that exercise leads to high rates of oxidative stress and free radical damage. You can read up on the studies that show why it is that athletes age faster than others. If you don’t care for science, then look no further than traditional Yoga: Indian yogis try to slow down their breathing and heart rate, not increase it. The same ancient wisdom can be found in countless Taoist texts.
JJ says:
A. Today’s scientific fact is tomorrows debunked theory. Just ask poor Pluto, kicked out of the solar system for no good reason
B. Just because something is thousands of years old doesnt make it right, or holy, or sacred. The debasement of women is common in ancient texts….as is racism…slavery…et al
Laura says:
Fine. Then why bother with yoga? Eat a triple cheese burger, go for a run and burn it off, while the old Chinese man eats his tofu and does Tai Ch’i. Everybody is happy. Doing yoga is not compulsory, you know?
JJ says:
Your triple cheeseburger answer is SUCH the typical RY (recovering yogi) either/or response…either you don’t care about your appearance at all, or you’re a Lulu wearing egocentric freak….either you’re annoying new age yoga drone, or you’re a sensible no nonsense RY person.
It might help if you stop thinking in cliches….the old Chinese man eating tofu and Tai Ch’i…is such an offensive stereotype….get smart
Donna says:
You’re officially still a great looking guy – so yoga seems to be working. I’m 39 and the guy in the Khiels store told me this week that I should use their wrinkle filler for the lines on my forehead – I told him that I was embracing my aging wisdom so screw the wrinkle cream. I still used the free sample though when I got home to see if it would make my forehead smooth. NB – don’t waste the $39
JJ says:
……sorry I just woke up from the most boring, narcissistic article I’ve ever read here (and thats saying something).