The evolved man

Published on March 5, 2013 by      Print
facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

By Kirk Hensler

It is my belief that the heart of a man burns with a steady fire, stoked to rage, that keeps his family safe and his enemies at a distance.  At best, it is quietly simmering underneath a sheath of composure, ready to be called upon, looking for any reason to explode into a fury, so that man can feel alive again—so that he can be experiencing the very thing he was put on this earth for.

But some of these guys keep talking about how they’ve found peace and calm; they don’t get angry anymore, and they have compassion for all humans.  And some of the women are encouraging this strange behavior by pretending they are into it.

I can’t go anywhere these days without hearing about men who are in touch with their feelings and have a gentle nature.  Women sit around and talk about it like it’s a good thing.  Guys who have cut off their own connection to anything related to anger or aggression.  Those feelings do not exist in their “being.”

This is somehow desirable.

Women apparently want a guy to make sweet and passionate love to them while telling them how beautiful they are, all the time.  While I agree it is good for men to be more sensitive, they cannot possibly disregard their nature.

I recently saw a rant one of my Facebook yoga friends went on: “He is just totally at peace.  He loves all humans.  He surfs, does yoga and meditates all the time to keep the peace that is naturally in his heart.  He is so sweet to me and never gets upset about anything.”

Meanwhile, I’m down the street bending my girlfriend over her dresser so I can fuck her in front of her mirror.  She seems to like it.

In college, a kid that I did not like broke my bathroom door.  He did it on purpose and made a joke about it to my roommates.  He thought he was very cool and brave.  I came home later that night and found the door cracked in half.  I didn’t deserve that; it was unprovoked behavior.  I didn’t have much time to think before I ripped the door off the hinges and carried it across the street to his apartment.  When he opened the door and saw me standing there with my own door in my hands he did not seem very brave or tough.  In fact, he backed himself into the corner of his apartment because he was so afraid to face the consequences of his actions (me).  I did not hurt him, although I wanted to.  I left my broken door on the floor of the apartment and told him to take care of it.

I didn’t start doing martial arts and yoga because I am a peaceful person.  I don’t meditate because I’m so goddamn thankful to be alive that I can’t wait to sit and be present with myself and the world around me.  I don’t really like the world around me.  I meditate so that when I open my eyes I don’t feel like pushing random people down the stairs.  I am trying to see the world in a better light, I am trying to be a better person, and I am trying to make the world around me better.  I’ve experienced serenity and peace through different outlets; I know the feeling.  But like all feelings, it’s fleeting.  It’s nowhere for a man to call home.   A man’s home is in his tenacity.  Remove the fire from a man and you’re left with someone disconnected from reality and his own existence, broken.  Not resolved, but rather retired from dealing with life.  Disconnected.

I have yet to see a man in the world with pure peace in his heart.  We are lucky to get glimpses, and that is it.  Some people attach to the glimpses because the return home is too painful.  I can’t blame them; life is hard, but the fight is worth it when you are journeying to discover who you are as a person.

I am a man, and sometimes I get angry.

It’s ok for me to punch things (preferably in a constructive way these days).  It’s ok for me to want to fuck instead of making love.  The art of war is beautiful to me; it’s not scary.  I would be more scared if I shut off sections of my personality to cope with life.  Believe me, I’ve done it, and it feels a lot like marrying someone you don’t love.  I’ve faced a lot—sometimes with my fists clinched and sometimes with an open heart.  It just depends on the situation.  I do not wish to have enemies or fight for no reason, but I will not ignore conflict as a means of being peaceful.

We are evolving as humans and spiritual beings, without a doubt.  But we are not changing into things that we are not.  We can recreate ourselves a hundred times and our problems will still find a way to catch up with us.  It’s not sad; it’s an opportunity to stand up and face ourselves, who we truly are.  That is what it means to be an evolved man.

Beauty is passion.  Passion painted the universe.  People on fire give us all reason for living.

And ladies, let’s be honest, are you really into these men that talk about how calm and passive they are?  It’s not hot.

About Kirk Hensler

Kirk Hensler was raised in metro Detroit on a steady diet of meat, potatoes and team sports. As a competitive athlete, he relied on his speed, power and dominant attitude to excel. Years later, when he took up martial arts, he was tossed around a sweaty dojo for months by various women and children. One day, while horizontal on the mat, he had the profound realization that their patience and finesse quietly trumped his strength and aggression. This led to an exploration of ancient Eastern philosophies, which, in turn, led Kirk to Taiwan, where he taught English, studied martial arts and ate a lot of delicious and strange street food. When Kirk returned to the US, he began applying what he’d learned to his Western, urban life and to his career as a wellness coach, martial arts instructor, and yoga teacher. Check out Kirk’s hip hop video. 

Filed under: Soulless Hippies and Tagged:


  1. Vanessa Butterfly Thunderwolf. says:

    I absolutely love this! I am in fact into men who can be calm and peaceful but not ones that are so afraid of their own anger that they hide behind passivity (that would be like dating myself!). It’s totally hot when I man can express the “ugly emotions” head on and not be consumed by his own shit. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Matthew says:

    Fuck yes. I recently lost my temper in a big, righteous way, over a very real wrong committed against me. Naturally, I was called an asshole for losing my temper, not the guy who completely fucked with my life (who never apologized).
    I lose my temper almost never, but this event deserved it.Anger isn’t a problem to be dealt with, it’s a feeling to be expressed (responsibly, one hopes). We get so many signals that men need to be “fixed” and “cured” of some natural impulses. Very little talk about how to channel those impulses into responsible expression.
    Anyway, excellent post, man.

  3. Sophie says:

    Anger is not only a male attribute, women have that too. Anger is an imbalance of our constitution, too much inner fire that is not channelled. It’s OK to feel it, it’s a shame to let it take over our life.

    Peacefulness is not passiveness, it’s the right balance of our energy. Standing in our truth, expressing it without incontrollable emotion.

    Being in harmony with ourselves create a better world. The world is beautiful, it’s just the classes of ego that makes us see it wrong.

    You are on the right path to study Ayurveda. You will love it!

    • Joslyn hamilton says:

      Anger is a normal emotion in the full range of human emotion. There are healthy and less healthy ways to express it. To call it an “imbalance” suggests it can be cured. Exactly not the point of this article.

      • Matthew says:

        Yes. Having and expressing anger (as constructively as one can) is no more an imbalance than falling head over heels in love and expressing that (as constructively as one can). Yet one emotion is routinely vilified as an aberration, the other welcomed as a gift. I could go on and on about this, but I will leave it be for now.

  4. Laura says:

    I really like your voice, your writing. This is literally a reflection of my own awakening from the self-help, new-agey dogma that I’ve had to unlearn since my 20′s. Thanks for expressing the real you and telling people it’s okay to do the same.

  5. Sophie says:

    Imbalance doesn’t mean illness, it’s not about curing anger. Imbalance, here, means that there is an excess of fire inside that needs to be reduce. That excess of fire can be reduce by diet, attitude, lifestyle, relaxation on daily basis. After some time we observe that what have made us angry before don’t anymore. I tell you it worth the shot.

    Here a nice blog post about emotion:

    • Matthew says:

      Hensler is saying anger is okay. It’s not about “too much” of anything.
      When we feel love, would that be considered “too much soma”? I don’t think so.
      Tapping in to agni or whatever we want to label is it not a problem to be solved, but an emotion to be expressed. That’s not to say love and anger are binary opposites, but to illustrate the silliness behind this thinking.
      Surely, if you are angry CONSTANTLY, there is something amiss, just as I think there is something wrong about people who claim to be in a constant state of serenity.

  6. Adan Lerma says:

    very nicely put ;-)

  7. Kate says:

    Own it!!! All of yourself!! Man or Woman! Ugly or Beautiful! If you are only expressing “Love and Light” the dark shadow will make itself known in rather unpleasant ways. On a lighter note most women I know want a man who can fuck AND make love!

  8. Maynard says:

    Thank you for this, I’m officially shopping around for a dresser with a mirror.

  9. Laura says:

    Would love to know your take on the difference between ego and tenacity. I see both in this post. In my view, they are absolutely NOT interchangeable.
    2 more points, and one question:
    1.) Aggression is not solely a male trait, which I’m sure you know, and yet this post seems to hinge on a given that it is.
    2.) You can bend your lover over and fuck them while also making love to them. So…does fuck=aggression in your view? Couldn’t someone do that with peace in their heart? I think so.
    Have you ever read Autobiography of a Yogi?

  10. Melanie says:

    Right on. I love men for their opposing natural state to women. Trying to “condition” them is a control issue. Thanks for this candid well written honesty. Its super HOT!

  11. Ted says:

    “Don’t try, do” says Yoda Sometimes a redefinition of denial is required.

  12. Fint Cleastwoord says:

    A couple of decades late to the game aren’t ya ? I mean the “sensitive new age guy” idea was launched in the 80s and hyper-analyzed to death. Your blog here is mostly a reprise of those ideas.

  13. billie-rose says:

    you’re a gorgeous storyteller . . .
    the level of honesty which you write from is so raw and powerful that it can only come from the heart. FINALLY the keeps-it-real blogger, true risk-taking writer, enters the room!
    writing from that place is a lot like having your wrists slashed open and letting the blood pour out–which you’ve done a good job at.

    Hell-To-The-No do i want a passive, tissue-toting tree hugger for a man. if femme energy is what tickled my whisker, i’d be a lesbian.
    to master total peace, on all levels, all of the time, is something worth striving for–but until then, that’s what guru’s are for . . . and that’s why there’s been so few.

    A man is sexy when he’s a man. ’nuff said.

  14. Louie says:

    I can’t believe no one’s called out this guy on the immature ridiculous position he is touting. I re-read the piece again after reading the laudatory comments to make sure I didn’t miss something. No one sees the Neanderthal level of his views? He is basically glorifying angry outbursts and venerating dragging your woman by the hair, fucking her from behind and denigrating peace and compassion to boot. “The art of war is beautiful to me”- give me a break! This is an “evolved man”?

    • Matthew says:

      What’s wrong with Neanderthals? I bet they had plenty of prehistoric-SNAGs in their midst.

    • Kris Nelson says:

      Fucking women from behind while pulling their hair sounds pretty fucking great to me. But, Louie, if you and I were to make love I would hold you softly and whisper sweet nothings.

      In all seriousness, though, I’m curious to hear how you’re defining evolved and neanderthal, which I am assuming is meant to mean base.

  15. Maynard says:

    No one has called him out, because the sign at the entrance reads: “A Refuge for the Spiritually Disenfranchised” It’s like walking into an ammo shop, and complaning that they don’t sell granola.

  16. Scott Palmer says:

    You are a loser if you cannot see that anger will be and is the destruction of this planet. I have plenty of rage to spread around, because I was abused as a child. if you freely express your anger to people you are an abuser. I have worked 56 years to be me and I am learning to accerpt my anger. Anger is not wrong, but abusing people with it is. You are just like my anger father who abused people and would not take resposiblity for his actions. Good luck with your future life. Your anger will eat you alive and spit out your bones.

    • recoveringyogi says:

      We feel compelled to point out the difference between anger and violence.

      • Louie says:

        Joslyn, abuse isn’t just physical violence. Being the victim of someone whose behavior towards you is fraught with anger can be very oppressive and psychologically abusive. If Kirk’s message is that we shouldn’t try to ignore the emotion of anger in all of us, that’s fine. But I feel he is putting down those who consciously make a choice of love over war and he is saying to embrace anger and conflict. That is what rings discordant to me about his essay.

    • Kris Nelson says:

      I’d like to point out that living and loving Louie compares views he doesn’t agree with Neanderthal and peaceful Palmer starts his post by calling people losers. Gandhi, Jesus and Buddha are proud.

  17. What It Means to Be an Evolved Man. ~ Kirk Hensler | elephant journal says:

    [...]  This story originally appeared on Recovering Yogi.  [...]

  18. kk says:

    I have a mixed reaction to this post. But Here’s what I fucking love…the writing is clear, and brilliant and honest. There’s no double talk and spiritual BS. I always run to this site when I see Kirk has posted. Because whether I agree or disagree I KNOW his position and I love it.

    • AmandaBeth says:

      I feel the same way. While I can’t totally agree with Kirk’s thought’s and idea’s, he’s expressed them so vividly, concisely, and organically that I can’t help but like the post.

      That said: I happen to be married to a man who’s a brilliant balance of peaceful and powerful, so I know from life experience that there’s a middle ground. He never compromises his values, defends his loved ones fiercely, and still manages to avoid unnecessary conflict or violence. And in terms of his sexual prowess…absolutely no complaints ;)

      Keep writing, Kirk, you have an interested audience.

  19. AmandaBeth says:

    (Whoa, stray apostrophe catastrophe! Autocorrect is not grammatically correct. I apologize.)

  20. YogaNerdMD says:

    The most important thing yoga and mindfulness has allowed me to do is RECOGNIZE my anger, and not act on it blindly.

    I think your comments about yourself are entirely well founded, but it seems unfair to generalize that because YOU feel this way, or your FRIENDS feel this way, that ALL men must feel this way. I would even accept the statement “MOST men feel this way.” But my husband is a placid lake while I am a rough storm at sea. My temper is a frightening thing, and I spent a long time hating myself for it, because I’m a woman. While anger and ripping doors off their hinges is acceptable in men, it is not the same for women. However, I found “peace” (a word I can see you abhor) and the ability to love myself better when I accepted my anger, and in a way embrace it, as you have. I’m happy for you that you can revel in your rage. I personally have found more joy in channeling what I redefine as “passion” into things like running (I have been known to run drunk in the middle of the night to work off a blind rage) and yoga practice, especially because I’m then less likely to (emotionally) hurt those around me. Basically, I realized the world didn’t revolve around me.

    We all have out inner animal – but part of being human is learning to live with each other. This is why rape is unacceptable and why assault is punishable by law; we have decided as a society that some things, while inherent in our nature, are indefensible.

    I’ve been taught that true wisdom is the combination of rational thought and the emotional mind – thought often we make the mistake of believing truth is either one or the other.

  21. Seamas says:

    Fierce and solid dude! Thanks for sharing.

  22. Emile Sorger says:

    Reminds me of the Gita, “you must fight” says Krishna. A teacher recently told me that a yogi must be ready to die for what he/she believes in. Sometimes not fighting is actually much more violent, and repressing our nature is more violent than expressing it. You’re definitely onto something powerful here, I hope to hear more about it.

  23. Sara says:

    I had a bf who told me the same thing–usually along the lines of, “You’d be amazed at how often I just want to punch somebody. That’s just how men are.” I was glad he shared the first sentence with me, though I always doubted the essentialist nature of the second. So being female automatically makes me this delicate, peace-loving flower? Fuck that.

    Look, I’ve punched my knuckles bloody on walls, punching bags, or the ground in a desperate effort to not punch them bloody on someone’s face (even though that’s what I would very much have preferred). I nodded along during the entire paragraph in which you describe why you meditate and practice yoga (and why you don’t). Inner fire can help or harm, but it’s always there, and it’s dishonest bordering on dangerous to deny its presence. I get that. Just please don’t tell me this is only a man thing. I promise you it’s not.

  24. Dustin Pacino says:

    This blog sounds to me like an adolescent reacting to the responsibilities of adulthood. Whaaaaa – I wanna be mad ! Whaaaaaaa. And yea wasn’t the whole SNAG thing over and done with long ago ?

  25. Janelle Allee says:

    Holy smokes you nailed it….very honest and blunt. Perfect. Too bad most of the world is “happy’ being “married to someone they don’t love”…I get that on both levels of meaning. Its liberating to realize one’s own sense of self even if others don’t quite understand…hell, that’s what makes us who we are. Nothing worse than a bunch of peaceful male sheep just following the popular route…well…actually, there is…that’s a bunch of female sheep all looking and acting the same out of fear of being the one pushed over the edge of the cliff because you stand out a bit too much. I say be the man who you are…truly peaceful and calm and full of tenderness….or a bit ummm…aggressive yet in control…who likes to fuck sometimes.

  26. Kelsey M says:

    I also use yoga as a way to control my constant anger and frustration, so maybe it’s not just a guy thing, but a human thing? Even as a woman I refuse to put on the floaty enlightened yogini act- I don’t think it’s genuine on anyone.

  27. Salima says:

    Male anger was and still frequently is realised in male dominance over women. Perhaps that is why women want gentler men. But yes, we are what we are. Sometimes, you want to fuck rather than make love. Sometimes, you’ve got to fight. The Buddha was an escapist.

  28. NFL 17 says:

  29. Tony chopper says:

    This article is what tends to happen when someone generalizes an entire “group” of people.

Leave a Reply

Asterisk (*) marked fields are required

 characters still available (brevity is a form of creativity!)