The Kim Kardashians of yoga
By Louis Cortese
My friend Carly is a very attuned culture creature. She is keenly aware of the latest fashion, the juiciest celebrity gossip, who’s hot and who’s not.
She knows I practice yoga, which until recently has been flying under her radar. But lately, it has been incessantly popping up all over the zeitgeist of her world in bits and pieces. So she asked me to bring her up to speed on what yoga is all about. At first, I told her she should start by reading Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, the Bhagavad Gita and the Yoga Pradipika. She immediately downloaded e-book versions onto her iPad but didn’t get very far reading any of them. She came back and asked me to just give her a quick synopsis in a language that she could understand. Here is how I explained it to her:
The modern yoga world is divided into various overarching major categories and each of these categories contains their own specific types of yogis and yoginis. Carly loved those names for male and female practitioners. She thought they are sooooo cute!
Anyway, the most popular group by way of the greatest number of participants is the one where there is a very superficial connection to the core principles and more of a concentrated interest in cosmetic appearance. To make her understand, I labeled this group, the Kim Kardashian yoga school. It looks great, makes lots of money, it’s sexy and fashionable, but has no substance whatsoever.
The next group in terms of size is the Laurence Olivier school. His approach to acting was one of pretending by employing outward mannerisms. These yogis are exceptional performers. They do the most amazing things with their bodies. They are renowned for their command of the most difficult asanas. Their focus is on the outer appearance and they have very little concern with inward exploration.
The third group is the Sean Penn type. He employed “the method” in his approach to the acting craft. Not only do these yogis dig deep into both the history of yoga and it’s many manifestations but they also delve deeply into their own souls to shed mundane attachments and strive to become their true selves. But just like in the acting world, there are many who think they’re plumbing the depths of 
their psyches with somber serious overtones, but come off as just bad pretenders and make those of us watching them cringe with embarrassment for them. The genuine article in this group is rare. Most are assholes.
At this point Carly was a bit confused and other than the lure of a Kim Kardashian style that seemed somewhat appealing, she saw little reason to start practicing yoga herself because she was afraid of not being good at it and didn’t want to make a fool of herself.
Look, I told her, there are the Fred Astairs and the Michael Jacksons of yoga who move with supernatural grace. It’s almost as though the movement is flowing through them. They have a beauty of form, which is under the influence of freedom, paraphrasing Friedrich Schiller. Most yogis, though, are like Elaine from Seinfeld, thinking they’re dancing like ballerinas but outwardly moving like dorks. But in yoga, the outer form is not important. It’s an exploration of the internal. The dance goes on inside you as you realize your true self. She looked at me slack-jawed with a blank glaze and said, “I have to run. Barney’s is having its annual warehouse sale.”
About Louis Cortese
Lou , in his life, has been a precocious young boy in an anachronistic town in the mountains of Sicily, an immigrant at the age of 8 arriving by way of an ocean liner to the shores of the west side of Manhattan, a guido from the Bronx, a hippy, a Zen Buddhist, a businessman, a yogi and a conventional family man with three sons and two grandchildren, among other things, none of which describes his true self and all of which in the aggregate do not give a full account of him. If his story is not he, then what is? He’s still looking.
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VQ2 says:
As a New Yorker, I think the most classicist and spiritual and yet virtuosic, which at the same time is quite readily available and on-the-surface accessible–has to be a variant of the Sean Penn school. Maybe the Keanu Reeves model?
The Keanu Reeves model, thus, accounts for about 40% of my influences …
Jenifer says:
Keanu has been my patron “saint” for many moons now. I had the same thought. So weird.
Jenifer says:
I apologize for the “many moons” reference. I had to go to a woman-centric online gathering overnight. This “spiritual speak” is my second language. I sometimes forget to go back to normal when I haven’t had enough sleep (online meeting at 2 am local NZ time, had to get up at 6 am to get rolling into the day, so. . .please, many apologies).
C init says:
Jenifer, as long as you weren’t talking about your moon cycle, I think you’re okay…I could be wrong.
Alexes says:
I think moons in this context is okay. I am not sure about “woman-centric gathering”, but atleast you did not write “wymyn”, or similar.
Jenifer says:
I was definitely not talking about my “moon cycle” — though this group does, on occasion, like to talk about those things.
Overall, the group is quite good because we are working with Clarissa Pinkola-Estes’s work, which is quite beneficial.
I’m probably the most pragmatic of the group — in terms of how I go about my life and what not — and the others like much more “poetic” language in varying degrees. Since I teach yoga and I run in these sorts of circles a fair bit (as well as with artists, poets, and musicians who have a similar new age bent), I had to learn to speak the language.
Otherwise, I was never included in conversation, and honestly, I do want to be able to “unpack” the material with other interested readers, and so the only way was to speak their language.
Goddess (and Keanu) bless them.
C init says:
I think I just sit around and wait for RY posts so I can comment…Is that just creepy? I think it’s really that I need a community that did not drink the kool-aide.
This is clever. Thank you for crafting this accessible bit of information.
Now, help me out here…Or maybe VQ2 addressed it? What kind of practitioner are you (I’m not even going to use the word yogi) if you practice for the science of it? I am not a Buddhist or a Hindu. I am not all that interested in all the bits and pieces of yoga that are actually branches from what? Sometimes I dig into the history and I get kind of bogged down because often times, it boils down to opinions. But I digress. I believe in the “moving meditation.” I believe it is healthy to both my mind and body when I focus on deliberate movement, stretching and contracting. I live be many of the maxims of Buddhism, Hinduism, Paganism and Christianity, but do not believe in all the teachings regarding the body on a spiritual level that are taught…
C init says:
And I talk too much, apparently. My question is sincere, but also into the humor. Am I just Olivier, or is there another character?
Louis Cortese says:
C init, In answer to your question, what kind of practitioner am I? I have been and continue to be at various times, all of them, including the asshole. I keep trying to sort it all out.
C init says:
Ha! I don’t think I used very good grammar. I was more asking about myself. Which you answered in response to Stewart. I am delusional, and not in touch with real thing. Which Is why I do not say I am a yogi, or gag, yogini.
Stewart Lawrence says:
I like the idea of your ideal-types. How very clinical! You’re really dissecting the pathology, Doctor. Will this be i a forthcoming edition of the DSM manual on psychological disorders?
)))
I think it’s interesting your gender choices? I won’t quibble with them, just noting them in passing. The first is a woman, a pop celebrity, the second two are men, both very serious male actors.
I would say one other very personal thing- by way of editorial commentary. I think ending your third group by saying “most are assholes” is well, a little too brusque; the language is coarser than the rest of your calmly incisive and rather sardonic piece.
I might have said something like
“Most are “posers” just the same.” or “Most are posers of another kind.”
Though perhaps you’ve had some distinct encounters with this third “type” and you just couldn’t help yourself!
)))
Enjoyed the read, Louis Stewart
Louis Cortese says:
Stewart, I’m so glad you brought up the asshole comment. Firstly, you are right on the mark about it being out of place with the style of the piece. Secondly, I actually regretted using the line and wanted to send in a correction after sending it in but got lazy about it. Not just because it’s not really my style but also because in thinking about it, I don’t believe it’s accurate. What I should have said was that most are delusional, very sweet and well meaning but nevertheless not in touch with the real thing.
Jennifer says:
sorry,
I don’t get it. I was sort of following along but I don’t know which types of yoga you are putting under which actor. I’ve read the sutras, the gita and the pradipika and my physical practice is ashtanga-based and my main practice is meditation. As I’m reading this article I’m wondering what category does my practice fall under and is it being made fun of?
When people ask me about yoga, I usually say that yoga is what happens during meditation and that whatever form the physical practice takes is a preparation for the true silence of a quiet mind. Everybody can have a direct experience with their source, especially Kim Kardashian.
Louis Cortese says:
Jennifer, I am not making fun of yoga. I personally am very immersed in the practice of it. The three major categories I used and the acting analogies are obviously more for comedic effect and not meant to be comprehensive of all types of practitioners. I know people for whom I have a great respect for their interpretation of yoga and their approach to living a meaningful life in general.
JJ says:
It’s obvious from your gendered examples that you’re a male supremacist piggy
recoveringyogi says:
It’s sometimes hard to tell from your comments if you are being sarcastic or if you’re just a douchebag, FYI.
JJ says:
I suppose that would be entirely up to you. Touche’, Douche’