Yoga makes yassholes out of all of us

Published on February 21, 2011 by      Print
facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

By Joslyn Hamilton

A colleague of mine recently wrote a story called “Yoga = Heroin” for Elephant Journal. It’s about how so many of us treat yoga much like we’d treat any other addiction — we have to have it, or we turn into raging monsters.

Shortly after I read Philip’s story, I took a popular class in the Marina, an arguably soulless and affluent neighborhood in San Francisco. This being the beginning of January, the class was packed and the front desk staff had to turn a few people away. I happened to slide out into the lobby after class had begun (what? I had to pee!) and witnessed one of the unlucky late-comers have a full-on tantrum because she couldn’t take the class. She was nearly sobbing. “You don’t understand,” she whined reckishly to the poor unequipped desk staffer, who probably makes about $12 an hour and definitely isn’t trained in psychological emergencies. “I really needed this class!”

Oh we understand, alright. We’ve all been there. Ditching out of work early, racing through rush hour traffic, cutting people off, pitching a fit inside our cars because we can’t find a parking space. All in the name of getting to yoga on time so that we can RELAX and be better, more spiritual people.

But it doesn’t stop at that. Not only do we want our class, but we want our mat right exactly where we want it. In fact, we’re so attached to where our mat goes that we’ll shamelessly call ahead to the front desk (or maybe our friend is the yoga teacher that day, in which case we’re totally in) and have them “put a mat down” for us. Sound familiar?

We’re assholes about our yoga.

In Massachusetts, where I’m from, we like to refer to ourselves as Massholes. It sounds mean, but we say it with love. I like to think of us new wave of 21st century yogis as YASSHOLES. (I myself wrote an article about this recentlyfor Elephant Journal, to mixed reviews.) We’re yassholes because we want to be good, we really do, but we lose our cool when we’re behind the wheel of a car. We text and drive. We cuss a lot. We have tempter tantrums when we’re tired or low blood sugar (okay maybe that’s just me). We’re just human.

A friend of mine who shamelessly adores all things yoga recently confided to me that she is sick to death of her yoga crowd. After her latest teacher training, she’s a borderline recovering yogi. I had a conversation with her that went something like this:

I love yoga.

Courtesy of: http://seacowcoalition.com (click for a bigger view)

What I don’t love? The lame, undertrained, know-it-all teachers. The obnoxious, smug yogis. The pressure to wear the latest lulus. The line around the block to get into the yoga studio. The eardrum-popping, nervous-system-shattering fusion music during a vinyasa class. The spiritual lecturing. The bossy physical corrections. The loathsome surprise partner yoga sessions. The cramped, dirty, smelly, overly intimate dressing rooms.

Do you want me to go on? Oh I can. But at the end of the day, what’s the value in waxing grumpy about “what’s happening to the yoga world” when I could just pick and choose my classes with a little more discriminatory aplomb? I still go to yoga. I call myself a “recovering yogi” with my tongue in my cheek. I’m recovering from the world of meaningless manifestation, vacuous positivity, and noxious yoga speak — and like Kris Nelson so eloquently put it, just trying not to be an asshole (or a yasshole) — but the timeless practice of yoga lives on in my heart, and there are still some decent yogic experiences to be had out there. I can say this, though, and proudly — I’m no longer addicted yoga.

About Joslyn Hamilton

Filed under: Zombie Yoga and Tagged:

15 Comments !

  1. adan says:


    “the timeless practice of yoga lives on in my heart”

    i’d say it was born & raised there anyways ;-)

  2. Matthew says:


    Another great piece.

  3. Miguel De ValleDeMil says:


    Nailed it.
    By the way, that seacowcoalition thing is horrifying. What a skeezy company, Lululemon.

  4. Elise says:


    Great post! …and I am right there with you on loathsome surprise partner yoga sessions….*shudder*.

    My favorite moment was when we were all paired up for partner tree pose. Nothing like pressing side-butts together with a sweaty stranger!!

  5. Tweets that mention Yoga makes yassholes out of all of us -- Topsy.com says:


    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Adrian Molina, joslyn hamilton. joslyn hamilton said: Yoga makes yassholes out of all of us http://t.co/EOA42hq (a new story I wrote for @recoveringyogi) [...]

  6. Devi says:


    Amen!

  7. Quinn W says:


    I love this! I’ve seen those yassholes a lot in LA. I ‘m now back in Phoenix at an amazing studio where the yasshole demographic is minimal to none, so I’m thankful. I am happy to see you say you still do yoga, and say you are a ‘recovering yogi’ tongue in cheek. I see a lot of posts here that have completely written off yoga because of their yasshole experiences, but I still belief in the power of the tool of yoga to produce clarity in one’s life.

    Thank you,
    Quinn

  8. darla magee says:


    thanks Joslyn. this is BEAUTIFUL!

  9. amanda says:


    Fantastic post!
    How about this one: 90 minutes into class when you think the floor sequence being over signals the end of class, the teacher turns the mellow music to def jams and directs everyone to move their mats aside. Then, a few mats are placed in the middle of the room to set up for dance-off style yoga. A few willing yassholes step into the ring, as I so fondly call it, and the showcase ensues. Onlookers unable to flip from wheel to handstand to standing and back are petrified/mortified/just plain bored. Then, as if it could get any worse, the showcasers “tag” petrified/mortified/bored audience into the ring and force them to take part in the showcase, and so on. Yak!

  10. Happy Hump-asana Day: Balasana / Child’s Pose « Vogue Yogini says:


    [...] yogalomaniac by vogueyogini In honor of the week’s ongoing anti-yogalomanic rhetoric, cry out against yassholes, and commentary on fame monsters, today’s Hump-asana pose is non-glamorous, non-acrobatic, [...]

  11. Tweets that mention Yoga makes yassholes out of all of us -- Topsy.com says:


    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Kirsty , Jennifer Fields. Jennifer Fields said: I know a few yassholes! “@sweatydarla: Sick of the Yassholes? I sure as f@%k am: http://bit.ly/hdH9w5” [...]

  12. Signs of the Beast [the YTT-Beast, that is] « Vogue Yogini says:


    [...] behavior wasn’t such an excusable rite of passage, we could easily accuse you of being a Baby Yasshole. But it’s ok, you’re in YTT. Just reel it in a smidge once you get back into the real [...]

    Response posted on March 28th, 2011 , 4:58 pm
  13. rita williams says:


    its a lot easier to do it at home – anytime, no music, no sweat, no driving, wear what you like

    Response posted on April 16th, 2013 , 1:22 pm