Yoga teacher bio: Medusa Smith
By Keara Mullen
Medusa Smith was blessed with her gift for yoga at birth, when she perfectly executed savasana without even being instructed. Even before birth, she radiated wisdom from the womb.
Later in life, she could be found leading other children her age in practice on the playground. Telling her students to “live a pure life,” she led a revolution in middle school by breaking into the cafeteria and stealing all of the meat products. After liberating all of the classroom pets and disposing of the footballs, she was asked to find other educational opportunities.
Her mother, Persephone, a yoga instructor herself, then home schooled her until the age of eighteen, at which point Medusa was promptly sent to India to meet her mother’s guru and study the family trade. At nineteen, the guru claimed he could not teach her anymore, for she had totally mastered the art of yoga, and he sent her back to the United States to spread her own unique style: The Purest Practice.
She has a devoted following of yogis that assist her in “recruiting” those in need of spiritual tweaking through Medusa’s rigorous Purity program. The tribe continues to grow, with admission being discounted for those who are already vegan. Pure Practitioners only take Medusa’s classes, as all other yoga classes are of course unenlightened and swarming with impure energy. They check in with Medusa on a weekly basis to report on their bowel movements and recruitment numbers, while attending her classes every day at ever-changing secret locations.
Medusa’s philosophy emphasizes the pelvis, where impurity is trapped and needs to be released to cleanse out karmic demons of past deviant actions.
Another interesting fact about Medusa is that her name comes from the fact that she has the ability to conjure energy that will make non-believers feel stoned for their ignorance, inspiring instant conversion to her methods of teaching. Her mother consulted with a psychic before she was born to reveal her true nature and therefore her name, and Medusa has proven her mastery of this revealed existence and her superiority in the field of yoga, hers being the only Pure Way.
She and her students can often be found traveling en masse, advising the public on why their meat consumption is heinous, or how they can better release their loins through rigorous practice and adherence to the Pure Practice guidelines. She has a stable of lovers that assist her with her classes. Only those who have made love with Medusa can be trusted with the administration of the Pure Practice technique. Once they have expressed their pure love for her, they can bear witness to her profound, unending knowledge.
Medusa is tireless in her commitment inspiring the purification of the population. She travels incessantly to steak houses across the nation under the guise of one of her follower’s country western bands, The Pure Posse, to remind everyone everywhere that Meat is Murder and that yoga is the Truth and the Way.
Keara hails from the rusty and trusty city of Cleveland, where she just moved back to from Guatemala after years of absence. Her modus operandi includes yoga binges and wandering around Central America buying copious amounts of scarves on the street. A book hoarder, problem coffee drinker, and chronic do-gooder, she has worked in social justice and education non-profits for ten years, and fancies herself a writer. At present, her blog is in the works, running after that bandwagon years after it left town, as she was too busy reading other peoples to notice… and trying to save the world. She is an advocate for hip hop, flip flops and NPR. And a bunch of other cool stuff too.