You may have your food dogma back
By Danielle Stimpson
Over the past few years, I’ve made an Olympic sport of excusing myself from local yoga community happenings that I know will involve mandatory chit-chat about what I eat.
Apparently, that’s just about all of them. It would seem that current events and roughly 5,000 years of yoga history fail to provide adequate conversation fodder, leaving our exchange to be nothing more than a “whose diet is more restricted” contest. Has no one even read a decent book lately?
The truth is that my diet is plenty restrictive without further ill-informed analysis. I have 16 different food allergies, including soy, peanuts, tree nuts and a host of fruits and vegetables, plus a severe gluten intolerance. But no one ever bothers to ask about it before spewing their two cents. Even if they did, I would have to think twice about sharing, since historically it’s been welcomed with a chorus of “You should use this treatment/eat this plant/do these affirmations/do this cleanse/only eat organic things… then you’ll be cured! I totally know a guy who knows somebody who used to have food allergies!!!” Or my favorite: “You should just stop eating. That’s what they do in [insert name of Country here].” Just STOP eating? What lovely advice. Can you even hear your lunacy, or has your infinite wisdom clogged your ears?
And Shiva forbid I confess the shameful truth of the food that dare not speak its name.
For you see, I am (gasp) an occasional meat eater OHMYGODDESSNO. At any point I’ve been honest about this, I’ve been barraged with corrections. Surely I must have meant tofu turkey, seitan chicken, lentil burger or portobello pork. Because if I did mean what I said the first time, my lecherous carnivore karma would be unleashed to drain the last drops of sweet soy-flavored nectar from the enlightened bones of all those in the immediate vicinity. There would be swarms of locusts, and the souls of dead yogis would cry tears of bacon grease.
Can the hippie histrionics. It’s a damn cheeseburger. And what’s more, I am not asking YOU to eat it.
If you interpret ahimsa as a vegetarian lifestyle, more power to you… but I don’t. Should you be vegan because you have personal or spiritual reservations about eating animal products, or just because you feel they are not healthy, mazel tov. I happen to respectfully disagree. I am just fine with your food dogmas as long as they remain yours. I’m not shoving tenderloin on your plate, and I’d expect you to keep your edamame off of mine.
So what’s a girl to do in these situations? Perhaps I could just lie and tell the food zealots I live on whatever things are “OMG so healthy” this week. Alas, I suck at lying. Plus, I really feel for the girl with the yoga mat looking over her shoulder at the deli counter. That is not what yoga — or any practice of “self betterment” — is supposed to be about.
It’s been suggested that I channel my inner Jersey girl and tell everyone to STFU.
As tempting as that may sound, even ten years into my recovery from anorexia I still find it difficult to be put on the spot about food. I hold on to a nugget of wisdom, given to me by Maggie Juliano, the Director of Sprout Yoga, which seeks to bring yoga to those healing from eating disorders. She once said to me: “That which we put before our recovery we lose from it.” I’ve made peace with my body, and feed it only what it wants. I will not put your two cents before my recovery.
Finally, the few hours of Ayurvedic nutrition that were rolled into your yoga teacher training and all the articles you have read do not give you license to tell people what they “should” and “should not” eat, especially when your opinion has not been solicited and you have no idea what the person’s general health is like. We all know what happens when we assume. Ahimsa is something you can have for me rather than scold me about. Eyes on your own mat, and your own plate. Keep your “shoulds” to yourself.
You may have your food dogma back.
About Danielle Stimpson
Danielle is a Shamanism & Reiki Instructor based in both Philadelphia and State College, PA. She is a New Jersey native who holds no degrees, has never gone to school, and has no plans to do so. A recovering anorexic and domestic abuse survivor, she often finds spiritual cliches trite and dismissive. While she celebrates your connection to your yoga practice, she enjoys her asana-free lifestyle and feels no need to justify it to anyone else. Danielle is a proud nerd, tattoo and piercing enthusiast, avid book reader, and animal lover. She can be found at www.daniellestimpson.com.
37 Comments !
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Moon says:
Gosh, your post is so timely. I literally didn’t buy sausages in the super market today because I spotted another yoga teacher from the same studio that I teach at who is very out spoken about the evils of eating meat! I know I should have bought them anyways, but I just didn’t feel like dealing with it…or her. Also, thank you for posting a link to Sprout yoga. I have had eating issues my whole life and will definitely check them out. Great post
Danielle Stimpson says:
Moon, thank you for your reply. I took a deep breath of relief when I saw the first comment was supportive. I’ll have some sausage later in your honor! And I’m sorry about your supermarket debacle. As for Sprout Yoga, I’m grateful for their existence. They are a wonderful resource, and glad you now know about them. Have a great meat-y day!
Melissa says:
Thank you for your beautiful article. I could literally feel a collective sigh of relief. Glad someone had the guts to write about this sensitive issue. I did not have a good relationship with food until about 8 years ago. When someone comments negatively on what I’m eating it brings up all those insecurities for me and makes me not want to eat at all or eat only in private. Also, my body needs meat, it would not function correctly without it.
Elise says:
I agree with you, Melissa. What a sigh of relief indeed! Sometimes when that issue comes up, I don’t eat right for days afterward out of guilt. This article is a gentle reminder to practice ahimsa on yourself first – always.
Joslyn Hamilton says:
I was a vegetarian for almost a decade when I was younger. It happened to coincide with the period of time when I was also anorexic. While I liked to tell people I was a vegetarian for ethical reasons, the truth is that it was part of my food control issues. Despite having a mom who had studied nutrition, was a chef, and had taught me all about proper food combining in order to get “complete proteins” and adequate iron etcetera, I was constantly anemic and felt pretty much horrible all the time while I was not eating meat. As soon as I started eating meat again, I felt better physically, mentally and emotionally. The implication that those who eat meat are just not disciplined enough to be vegetarian is a falsehood. I’ve never had more discipline in my life than when I was a food-controlling, lonely anorexic kid full of angst. As an adult who eats meat, I embrace my ability to be calmer, more grounded and less judgy in general.
Danielle Stimpson says:
Joslyn, Thanks for publishing this piece on RY, and for opening up about your experience. When you said “The implication that those who eat meat are just not disciplined enough to be vegetarian is a falsehood”, you could not have been more succinct and spot on. Thanks again for your comment.
Danielle Stimpson says:
Melissa, thank you for your support! I feel the same way when someone gets negative about what I eat…I just want to shrink up and disappear. It isn’t right, but you are not alone. I’m glad you enjoyed the piece, and wish you all the best. You’ll always have one person that won’t judge you for what you eat!
Lynn Roberts says:
Danielle,
What a great article. As a yoga studio owner and Ayurvedic practitioner, I run into this problem a lot. Students know I do nutritional work and CONSTANTLY ask me before, after and occasionally during (!) class about what and what not to eat… I tell them to book a Ayurvedic consultation with me for a fee of $130. Why? Because it doesn’t belong on the yoga floor or mat. It belongs in a private, one-on-one session with a *qualified* nutritionist, herbalist, Ayurvedic practitioner or another health professional. It’s not appropriate to discuss in front of others, and what’s even more not appropriate is taking up a big chuck of the teacher’s time with the intention of sucking every last drop of free information out that they can get. And will they book an appointment?…probably not.
And are most yoga teachers out there nutritionists, herbalists and Ayurvedic practitioners? No. But do they think they have the right to tell people what to eat. Most I know definitely do. Should they? Definitely NOT.
Yoga comes from Ayurveda and my personal belief is that those training to be yoga teachers should study Ayurveda as well. However, most yoga teachers do not have the slightest clue about what Ayurveda is. The funny thing is that in Ayurveda, dietary recommendations are based on the individual. For example, meat has different properties. White meat is drying and reducing while dark meat is moist and building. White meat would be recommended for some people, dark for others. Ayurveda in fact recommends consumption of meat for specific constitutions and imbalances and does not push vegetarianism. The fact that I am a vegetarian is my personal choice and never affects my ability to create a well-rounded nutritional program for my clients and THEIR needs, not my own. But, most yoga teachers I know disregard this concept completely, and push being a vegetarian, going gluten-free, cutting out diary and all sorts of other dietary restrictions. Once a fellow yoga teacher asked me about my diet. I told them I was a vegetarian and allergic to garlic and nightshades (tomatoes, potatoes, eggplant…). They then continued to lecture me about how I should cut dairy and eggs out of my diet. WAIT, did you just hear me? I already choose not to eat meat, and there is a s*** ton of stuff I can’t eat without dire consequences, why should I restrict my diet even more!? It’s unnecessary. Never went back to that teacher’s class…
Thanks again for writing about this sensitive topic, it will serve our yoga community well.
Danielle Stimpson says:
Thank you for the support Lynn. Nutrition is very much a personal profile, and what’s more a moving target. Blanket statements about what one “should” or “should not” eat are shortsighted and often harmful. And it certainly does not belong in the middle of a yoga class…although I think that just goes to show how used to these ill-informed suggestions yoga students are. They come in expecting to be told what to do off the mat by someone who has zero idea. That’s actually quite scary when you think about it….
Michelle says:
Danielle, thanks for sharing!
Having received comments for the past 14 years about being vegetarian, I tend not to judge people by what they eat. It is your body and your choice, I understand why people don’t eat meat and why they do. I have no shame in admitting that I will one day break down and eat fried chicken again. I hope I don’t get judged for it but, we all know that I will.
Danielle Stimpson says:
LOL Michelle! I will not judge no matter if you have kale or fried chicken. Either way, enjoy! Thanks for commenting!
Don says:
Thanks for a great article, I’m right there with you! I don’t hide the fact I don’t have any boundaries when it comes to food, but I also don’t call attention to the “vegetarians” I’ve met who are ok with eating fish. Even the one who ate a McD’s filet-o-fish in about three bites.
Danielle Stimpson says:
Wow, 3 bites? that’s kind of impressive! Thank you, Don!
kk says:
Food is SOOOOO complicated. Living in LA it comes up in EVERY social instance, yogic or otherwise. And I’m definitely a culprit! And sometimes I just stop and hear myself and I roll my eyes all the way deep back into my head. I starting thinking about and talking about food when I was 5. I’m 40 now. That’s 35 exhaustive years of what to eat and what NOT to eat! And yet….I still talk about it. Sigh. I need a support group….food-assholes-anonymous!
Danielle Stimpson says:
kk, if you are big enough to admit that you sometimes do this, I don’t know that I can call you an A-hole in good conscience, LOL. You are correct-food is a difficult subject NOT to talk about. Like chatting about the weather, it’s like a social default sometimes. As long as it isn’t from a place of judgement, it’s likely all good.
Problem solvers sometimes really do want to help says:
Sunshine, i know how upsetting it is when folks(in my case, close family) immediately give generic advice as if the person going thru it hadn’t of course already tried everything. At least ask, what agencies have you called for support/resources, what websites/books/products have you tried, what didn’t work, what org would you never contribute to because they don’t help, what would you like to try if you could afford it, and can i help you get it and of course, would you rather talk about something else.
It’s been said that every modern U.S. woman had food issues and that girls are now dieting before puberty! You and Joslyn clearly have thought through and worked through this and are highly attuned to the control/denial/restriction aspect of not eating what you might want to. Having been a single parent as well as working with handicapped kids who had difficulty with the basic physical skills needed to drink and eat enough for infant/toddler pleasure and health, I constantly struggled to balance principles of healthy eating against eating enough and enjoying eating.
But in my long life i’ve never been pressured or guilt-tripped by a vegetarian, macrobiotic, vegan or raw foodie. It’s alway always always been the meat eaters , paleo or conventional,who go on and on and on about how I have to try that bacon including whatever, “forgetting” to include anything for the vegetarians who always cook chicken etc. when they come to dinner, or expecting folks to sit through a long roast-centric dinner eating bread, pleasantly!
Danielle Stimpson says:
Regardless of the reason, it’s not OK to should someone’s diet. And I feel your pain with the lack of sensitivity to your vegetarian diet-many of my friends dread Holiday time for the friction at meal time. One of my closest friends of all once shared with me about the time her Parents made her a vegetarian soup, and then admitted to dropping “just a little bit” of fish into the pot. When she asked exactly how much was “a little”, they admitted that it was in fact an entire fish.
And you make another great point-sometimes eating at all is stressful enough without added pressure. Even the most well-intended remarks can be a lot to deal with.
All the best to you and your family!
Jill says:
This is such an awesome post! I was a vegetarian for the first 3 years of my practice. And then I got fat. Yep. It is entirely possible to eat poorly and gain weight if you subscribe to the idea that, as long as it’s not meat, it’s OK to eat.
Plus, nutrition advice changes every single day. Today something’s good for you, next week, it’ll be bad for you. I’m not changing my diet everytime someone comes out with a new study. I eat what my body craves. Period.
Don’t yuck my yum!!
Danielle Stimpson says:
“Don’t yuck my yum”. I think I’m going to borrow that
Thanks for commenting!
Svasti says:
After around twenty years as a vegetarian, I now eat meat. At the encouragement first and foremost, of my spiritual teacher. And now more than ever because my health (having Hashimoto’s thyroiditis) demands it. I also have a gluten sensitivity and have cut sugar from my diet.
I simply don’t talk about what I eat to most people, unless I have to for catering reasons. It’s just so much easier that way…
Let other people talk about their diet, I’m just not gonna!
Danielle Stimpson says:
Amen to that! Good luck with the Hashimoto’s, a good friend of mine has that as well.
Karen says:
Thank you for the post! As a yoga practitioner and yoga teacher, there’s been so many instances when I revealed that I eat meat and I get the response, “oh really?” with a raised eyebrow. In the past year I have gone months without eating meat, and the only thing I found was that when I did a lot of physical activities (yoga, walking, swimming, scuba diving, etc), I was SUPER tired and always hungry! It didn’t matter how often I ate, or how much I ate. If I had to choose between eating meat or be a vegetarian who constantly felt like I was not fed, I rather be a meat eater.
I reckon the only time people should discuss about food is which is the yummiest place to eat in town!
Danielle Stimpson says:
Karen, thank you for being honest with your students about your omnivorous ways. While no one may have said anything, I am willing to bet that someone felt a lot more normal, at home and/or accepted because you did. Keep being awesome!
Kate says:
“…the souls of dead yogis would cry tears of bacon grease.” Genius. The martyr mentality of who struggles to eat in the most regimented way reeks of disordered eating. I haven’t been eating wheat because of what it does to my stomach, but I try not to tell people because of what that conversation does to my previously damaged psyche and what it does to the goals and ideals of younger adults everywhere. Feed your body. It’s simple. And simply difficult for many of us to do well. Thank you for this!
Danielle Stimpson says:
AMEN!
Tori says:
[Contains talk of weight loss "advice" and body size. I'm not sure if this will be triggering for people with a history of eating disorders. But since some people upthread mentioned them, I'd rather post the disclaimer than not.]
Oh, jeez. I’m a fat (I use this as a neutral descriptor) person with a history of restrictive disordered eating and current chronic anemia — that does not respond unless I’m getting some of my iron from heme-iron (i.e., meat) sources.
There are the “have you trieds” for the anemia: “Have you tried green vegetables? Have you tried beans? Have you tried [insert commercial iron supplement here]? Have you tried cooking in a cast iron skillet? What about sucking the skillet like a lollipop?” (Admittedly, one of those is exaggerated.) Because, of course, eating meat is so “terrible” that even if the answer is yes, I’ve tried all of those (except the lollipop thing), I must of course be looking for a way to avoid it.
It is apparently shocking when I respond, “You know, I’ve decided: If eating the occasional beef taco or burger helps keep my iron at non-life-threatening levels, it’s really not the worst thing ever.”
And the fat “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts.” I “should” cut out refined carbs. And gluten. And meats, all kinds. And dairy, all kinds. And fat. And fruit. I “shouldn’t” ever eat for my health or enjoyment or to fuel my body for its physical activities; my concern with appearance, with thinness, “should” be paramount.
Even when these comments are well-intentioned — and a lot of the fat “shoulds” really aren’t — the fact remains: While it’s awesome to eat with consideration for health, the environment, and sustainability, this does not mean that my food choices at every moment (let alone my body) are up for public discussion.
Danielle Stimpson says:
Well said. Your body, health and dietary inclusions and or exclusions are your business, and yours alone. And what’s more, cast iron skillets make terrible confections.
Thank you for putting yourself out there in your comment, and for being so considerate as to include the trigger warning. And also for the fact that I am now craving beef tacos. Thank you most of all for that
Barb says:
Love your writing style! And the article, though I can’t really relate since I avoid ‘the well intended, new age-y guru following folk’ like the plague. And thanks for the info about Sprout Yoga, which I will pass on to counselor/therapist friends. Keep up the good work.
Danielle Stimpson says:
Barn, Thank you for your kind words, and for spreading the word about Sprout. They really are great!
yogatrail1 says:
Thanks for this nice article! I’m surrounded by food talk, pretty much everywhere these days… Friends doing cleanses, fasts, diets (some of them pretty odd, too). It seems that everybody worries about what they eat, and what it does to them – and probably rightly so… But: there’s so much angst related to food. We forget that eating is fun! If you eat exactly what you want/need, without agonizing over it, then you’re making eating into a pleasurable activity, not one associated with anxiety and guilt. Just eat whatever makes you happy, and enjoy it! Stop judging yourself and others for such a simple act. Keep it simple.
forsakinghalfloves says:
Thank you for this article. I once attended a kirtan and happened to be seated next to two yoga teachers. When they asked me about my eating habits I hesitantly mentioned that I’ve reduced my meat consumption since beginning to practice yoga three years ago. One of them mentioned that she also volunteers for PETA and wanted to give me DVDs. I politely declined and she gave me a look and started spouting off about how I was ignoring the problems of the world by not watching them, that these problems are not going away by not watching the documentaries. I didn’t reply because I figured that it wasn’t the appropriate place and because I didn’t feel like engaging in a debate with someone who didn’t really know me.
I am always pretty wary whenever conversations like these come up because I always feel that people are being evaluated about how yogic you really are, if you should even call yourself one. But I also go back to class every week because I enjoy the movements and admire the nonjudgmental, noncompetitive elements of the practice, things my teacher would emphasize at each class. And my teacher never required us to become vegetarians if we wanted to keep attending his class. And it would really upset me to have to change my way of living or eating in any way just to belong.
Kat Mansfield says:
Highly recommended reading: Lierre Keith’s The Vegetarian Myth. Well researched, supporting anecdoctal observation about the link between anorexia and auto-immune disease with some hard science. There is some dogma there, too, but, hey, where isn’t there dogma these days? Well written, Danielle. Thanks.
Maya says:
Tell. It! Love hearing that Jersey/Philly voice! Moving here has definitely lowered my bullshit tolerance, and I struggle madly with all the shoulds and the if-you-just-believe-hard-enough-reality-will-bend-to-your-will-and-a-fairy-will-get-its-wings insanity. I’ve seen a vegan get completely bullied by her former vegan community for needing to eat meat for medical reasons and deciding to embrace it. Why is it anyone else’s business what we eat? My choices do not invalidate yours, nor do yours invalidate mine. But so many people treat a different choice like a personal affront. Personally, I think it’s another form of eating disorder, not only needing to rigidly control everything *I* eat, but also what *you* eat. And I appreciate you putting your own struggles with food out there as a reminder that when we moralize from the outside, we always do so without complete information.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for “That which we put before our recovery we lose from it.” I will use the hell out of that.
Danielle Stimpson says:
Maya, LOL as Philly goes, we’re definitely a negative three on the BS tolerance meter! One of the things that actually attracted me to the City was the unabashed real-ness of it. I grew up in North Jersey, where a woman dare not ever show how hungry she was, or eat without covering her mouth. Here, women and men alike proudly wear that piece of cheesesteak that landed on their shirt-and rep the shop where they got it with pride! Around here, you’ll make more friends as a genuine asshole than a pretendish nice guy. And I have a deep respect for that.
As for “Thank you, thank you, thank you for “That which we put before our recovery we lose from it”, that originally comes from the 12-Step programs, but Maggie’s use of it when speaking to me was the first time I heard it applied to Eating Disorder recovery. It’s one to live by for sure.
Thanks for helping to keep it real in the Illadelph! See you around, I hope…
Branáin says:
Great post, Danielle. People hold so many hidden emotions about food, gained over our entire lifetimes. When someone finds out that you don’t eat something, or you don’t eat the same way they do, there’s often a negative response (e.g. you’ll hurting yourself, that’s strange, you should be more like me). This is something we inherit from our parents, family, etc.
Remember that many people who go on about ahimisa barely know the difference between a yoga mat and a yoga strap. They worship at the superficial altar of Western yoga.
There’s an even better piece of yoga philosophy. “I am not…”
I am not my yoga practice
I am not my job
I am not what I eat
I am not what I don’t eat
Your true self lies beyond all of that.
VQ2 says:
Being vegan does not prevent weight regain.
Being vegan does not prevent weight regain.
Being vegan does not prevent weight regain.
A card-carrying, button wearing, proselytizing yogi who has been on the vegan bandwagon just gained back a few pounds from his former anorexic state.
I’d gained back a few pounds (flexitarian in the house) also, but I consider that I had been normal (not skeletal) before … but called out on my then-low (for me) weight by this person. Spoken to about how he does not eat very much. As he does to everybody who is not a walking cadaver.
However, strangely, I feel that being in the same boat, I will just keep my mouth shut and go my merry way. Simply put, why can’t we all get along?
andromeda says:
Thank you for this post! I have a fantastic yoga teacher who is really great at teaching yoga, but has been pushing the entire class to go on a vegan diet. It’s driving me crazy, because I really enjoy the way she teaches yoga and I’d really like to limit it to that…
I’m relieved to see I’m not alone in my frustration, but I also did not realize this was that widespread of an issue. It’s unfortunate that intrusiveness and dogma gets in the way of something that should be positive and enjoyable.
Oh, and 16 food allergies…. yikes!! I’ve had to go on elimination diets before for what I thought was a food allergy, and it was so difficult to eliminate many allergens at once. I couldn’t imagine staying on that diet, let alone cutting even more things out unnecessarily. I don’t blame you!