You might be a hooker (or a yoga teacher) if…
By Bart Shuler and Bret Alexander
It’s Friday, and you know what that means… no-holds-barred-anti-PC-fun on Recovering Yogi! Our friends Bart and Bret helped us put together this nifty little list to help ascertain whether you are a yoga teacher or, in fact, a hooker. Enjoy.
- You work barefooted
- You go to work and say things like, “downward, dog” and “lie on the floor, hands by your side” and “$125 an hour”
- You give a cut of your earnings to the proprietor of your working space
- You measure success by the number of clients you can work with in a day
- You have a group rate
- You consider flexibility an occupational talent
- You have regulars that come back for their fix each week
- Your clients always leave sweaty… and satisfied
- You carry the tools of your trade under a single arm
- You can touch, but no kissing
About the writers
Bret Alexander is an amateur (but really very good) karaoke artist who splits his time between his home in Los Angeles and his job in NYC. When he is not serenading ladies to the lyrics of Lionel Ritchie, he can be found tracking down the best steak in a 30-mile radius.
Bart Shuler lives in Santa Monica, CA, where yoga studios outnumber the homeless. In his free time you can find him watching every movie ever made and then quoting the lines back to you, or supporting his Midwest heritage by wearing a cheesehead and cheering on the Green Bay Packers.
21 Comments !
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adan says:
even my wife thought this was funny, esp # 10
so, can one then be either a hooked yoga teacher, or yogic hooker?
or both!
Matthew says:
Nice!
Can’t wait for someone to completely miss the point of this one (Swami Pranam, I’m looking at you!).
Very funny stuff, guys.
Chrissy says:
HAHAHAHA! Matthew, I just spit out my drink that made my night!
recoveringyogi says:
Thanks for asking, Adan. According to our calculations, it is indeed possible to be a hooker AND a yoga teacher.
Yogini5 says:
The yoga teacher wears the pimp hat too, bequeathed her (or him) by the studio/lineage:
The studio pimps out the yoga teacher, and the yoga teacher pimps out his/her knowledge … to keep the johns and janes coming back for more …
Jade Doherty says:
Haha, that made me LOL for realz.
Don says:
Nice! Now I know why I fall asleep after class.
recoveringyogi says:
Hahahahahahahahahaha. Lolz.
Chang of Space Command says:
Funny stuff!!!
Jenifer says:
does this involve knitting?
Chrissy says:
Love it….keep that pimp …errrrr yoga hand strong…
Kris Nelson says:
Can you introduce me to the girl that is $125 an hour please?
recoveringyogi says:
You sure you want that?
yoginibunny says:
Very funny!
add: yoga teachers, like prostitutes, make clients feel good in *many* different positions.
confusion about # 1: prostitutes do it barefooted? I thought they wear those FMPs? (at least that was the stereotype to me)
Chrissy says:
The FMP’s or clear shoes (which I still think are cool even though my Dad told me at my sister’s wedding that clear +shoes = Hooker..and here I had thought that clear + shoe = a myriad of outfits that said shoes would have gone with, thus = fiscal responsibilty squared), are usually the go to, however imagine the SKILLS sans footwear? A++
Nancy says:
A potential #11. You express blind devotion to a eye popping egoist teacher/mentor, often of the opposite sex, who initiated you to The Life with the illusion of your specialness all the while taking advantage of naivete and youth.
romeo says:
it’s like bargain dating ~ sans the dinner and the movie
Rachel says:
#5 is my fav!
Julie says:
Ha ha!! Does that make the yoga studio a brothel?? Great post!
Brie says:
My God. This is HILARIOUS!!!! Brilliant.
Nadine Fawell says:
Also,
You choose your pants for how stretchy they are, and how good they make your butt look.
You work nights and mostly get paid in cash.
You say things like: ‘I just want to make people feel better’.
You are very preoccupied with what you can do with your pelvic floor muscles.